- Irving Berlin: [singing] I've been a soldier quite awhile and I would like to state, the life is simply wonderful, the Army food is great. I sleep with 97 others in a wooden hut, I love them all, they all love me, It's very lovely, but - Oh, how I hate to get up in the morning...
- Irving Berlin: [SInging] Someday I'm going to murder the bugler. Some day you're going to find him dead. And then I'll get that other pup, the guy who wakes the bugler up and spend the rest of my life in bed.
- Jerry Jones: Will you marry me tonight?
- Ethel: Well, of course.
- Jerry Jones: Wonderful. Congratulations, darling, you're a war bride. I've just been drafted.
- Sgt. McGee: What's the matter with you Twardofsky? Don't you like our early morning calisthenics?
- Pvt. Twardofsky: Well, I didn't like 'em at first.
- Sgt. McGee: Oh, you didn't like 'em at first. How do you like 'em now?
- Pvt. Twardofsky: I'm still on first.
- Sgt. McGee: How'd you get in the Army?
- Tommy: Politics.
- Sgt. McGee: Is that a reason?
- Tommy: Look Sergeant, I got three reasons for bein' in the Army. First, I'm patriotic. Second, I love my country. And third, they nailed me.
- Pvt. Twardofsky: And that goes for me too.
- Sgt. McGee: Listen, you two birds report to me immediately after this formation.
- [Next scene, Tommy and Maxie are peeling potatoes]
- Pvt. Twardofsky: You and my big mouth.
- Eddie Dibble: What'll we call the show?
- Maxie Twardofsky: Yip! Yip! Yaphank! the second.
- Jerry Jones: No, no, Max. That's no good. It's a new war, a new show. We've got to have a new name!
- Maj. John B. Davidson: Well, why not state the simple fact, This is the Army.
- Jerry Jones: What do you think fellas? That's it, This is the Army!
- Sgt. McGee: Shut up, back there!
- Pvt. Twardofsky: [Marching, out of ear shot of the Sgt. McGee] There's one of the nicest guys ever born.
- Tommy: That guy wasn't born, he was issued.
- Jerry Jones: [after the cross-dressing blackface number] Great! Wonderful! And you kids were worried a minstrel number being too old fashioned! Why, it went just as well tonight as it did in the old show!
- Sgt. McGee: Grown-up guys in dames clothes! If that ain't a sad sack of bananas!
- Jerry Jones: Oh, McGee!
- Jerry Jones: Hello, Joe. Nervous?
- Joe Louis: Mr. Jones, I quit worrying the day I got into uniform. All I know is I'm in Uncle Sam's Army and we on God's side.
- Jerry Jones: [while a soldier performer in blackface looks on] Well, that's a fine way to feel and I don't know anyone that could say it better than you, Sergeant.
- Ted Nelson: What are you bawling about Mom? I'm awfully glad to see you lady.
- Mrs. Nelson: Oh, Ted, I want to tell you something quickly while I still have the courage.
- Ted Nelson: Something wrong?
- Mrs. Nelson: No, it's - I just want you to know it's all right. I mean about - about the Army. I was wrong before. This - this is what I raised you for - to be a credit to your country and to yourself.
- Ted Nelson: Thanks, lady.
- Mrs. Nelson: So, don't worry anymore, son. Just - just take care of yourself. If you can. And Ted...
- Ted Nelson: Yes?
- Mrs. Nelson: Give it to them!
- Sgt. McGee: I've had strict orders not to use profanities so I can't tell you what I think about army shows.
- Johnny Jones: There's a lot of mothers and sweethearts in that mob.
- Tommy: Speaking of sweethearts, get a load of that military objective approaching us. Shall I trip her?
- Johnny Jones: Hey, take it easy, yardbird, the young lady happens to be a friend of mine.
- Sgt. McGee: Dames clothes! What must their mothers think?
- Jerry Jones: Now, listen McGee, opening night is trouble enough without having you around -
- [stops, looks at McGee, winks at Johnny]
- Johnny Jones: Sgt. McGee, as stage manager of this troupe, I order you to report to wardrobe, for assignment to "Ladies of the Chorus".
- Sgt. McGee: What! Over my dead body!
- [Starts to storm off]
- Johnny Jones: Corporal of the Guard!
- [MPs escort Sgt. McGee to wardrobe]
- Johnny Jones: Did you come to see the show?
- Eileen Dibble: Oh, to see Dad and the President - and you.
- Johnny Jones: Me?
- Eileen Dibble: Corporal Jones, I've decided that you don't know what the war is all about. We're free people, fighting for the right to remain free. To work and to be married and to raise a family in a fine, decent country.
- Johnny Jones: Well, Eileen, honey, I know that.
- Eileen Dibble: Then why do you act like we've lost the war? Open your heart, Johnny. We're all in this fight together - women as well as men. Let's share our responsibilities! I want to be a part of you, Johnny. A part that goes with you on the battlefield, someone to come back to. This is a free United States! Doggone it, if we want to get married, let's get married!
- Maj. John B. Davidson: That was the war to end all wars. And now we got a new one. Well, what are we waiting for? A new war? Or a new show!
- Sgt. McGee: I knew it! Sir.
- Maj. John B. Davidson: Well, Jerry, what do you say? Will you help?
- Jerry Jones: Sure, I'll help. It will be something fine for the boys to remember; because, I'm afraid there will be a lot of it they'll want to forget. Incidentally, Colonel, it just reminded me. I've got a son right here at the camp. He's got a little talent. Maybe we can use him?
- Johnny Jones: I'll guarantee you everything'll be ready on schedule. Now, take it easy Dad. You're trying to take care of every little detail in the whole show. That's too much for one man to do alone.
- Jerry Jones: That's right. I guess I have been getting in everyone's hair around here.
- Johnny Jones: Oh, that's not true, you've been swell!
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