User reviews

"If I Had a Million" (Paramount, 1932), directed by seven directors including Ernst Lubitsch and James Cruze, etc., is the first of it's kind released during the early sound era, an all star cast with eight separate stories. The central character is the supposedly dying John Glidden (Richard Bennett), an elderly millionaire, who would rather leave his fortune to various strangers whose names he picks with a medicine dropper from a telephone directory, than to his immediate relatives. The first name he picks happens to be John D. Rockefeller! (If this movie were to be remade today, it probably would be Bill Gates!) Turning the pages, he settles with the next name in line. The story to each beneficiary is told.

(1) Henry Peabody (Charles Ruggles), a nervous clerk in a china-ware store finds his paycheck is limited by him breaking all the china. He must also cope with his nagging wife (Mary Boland) who awaits at the door to get and spend his paycheck money. See the results when Henry receives his million dollar check by Glidden; (2) Violet Smith (Wynne Gibson), a waterfront prostitute, is given the check personally by Glidden in a bar, and after being convinced the check is "not a gag," she uses the money to sleep alone in a hotel. This short segment was sometimes the one that got the ax from local TV prints; (3) Eddie Jackson (George Raft), a check forger wanted by the police, receives the check from Glidden, but finds he can't cash it; (4) Emily LaRue (Alison Skipworth), and Rollo (WC Fields), a vaudevillian and juggler, are owners of a boardinghouse. They acquire a brand new car, and after a drive, they return with a car wrecked that was caused by a "road hog." After obtaining the million dollar check by Glidden, they purchase a fleet of cars and get even with the "road hogs," about town by having a car smashing day. Of all the episodes, this is the one most remembered, even long after the movie is over; (5) From the comedic standpoint comes a dramatic theme featuring John Wallace (Gene Raymond), a condemned murderer, who pleads innocent, getting the check shortly before he is to be executed in the electric chair. But can he use the money in time to get a new lawyer and trial? Frances Dee appears briefly as John's wife who visits him in prison. This segment is another one that was usually cut from TV prints. It's now restored; (6) Phineas Lambert (Charles Laughton), a meek little office clerk, gets his check by mail, and in his own special way, walks up a flight of stairs and goes through office door to office door to go tell his employer what he can do with his job. (Everyone's dream, I gather, then and now). This short segment, done mostly in mood and silence, is in many ways, priceless; (7) Steven Gallagher (Gary Cooper), a U.S. Marine in the brig, gets his check on April Fool's Day, and upon his release, decides to give it away to pay a back debt to a lunch stand owner. Although this is a so-so segment, the result is funny. Jack Oakie and Roscoe Karns add some comedy relief as Cooper's Marine buddies; (8) The most touching and longest segment is the last one with Mary Walker (May Robson), a forgotten grandmother couped up in the Idylwood Home for the Aged, who must tolerate unbearable rules and regulations by the unsympathetic supervisor (Blanche Frederici), until she gets her check from Glidden and gets her revenge.

Each story in "If I Had a Million" speaks for itself as to what ordinary people would do or want to do if they had that opportunity to have a million dollars. As in most episodic movies, some segments are good, others could be weak, and maybe one or two that could be best and the most talked about.

Frequently shown on commercial television back in the 1960s until the 1980s, with certain segments taken out to fit in the usual 90 minute time slot with added commercial breaks, "If I Had a Million," did resurface, much to the delight of classic movie fans, on Turner Classic Movies from July 2001 to May 2002. A video or DVD copy with complete story and segments can be purchased by going on the website of Movies Unlimited. (***)

This is surely among Hollywood's first and most celebrated all-star compendiums, which also involved a plethora of equally notable writers and directors, but is best-remembered now for Ernst Lubitsch's contribution (it's actually the briefest episode of the lot!) and the hilarious W.C. Fields segment. The narrative revolves around wealthy but eccentric dying industrialist Richard Bennett (who's wonderful here, though his only other notable role was a brief dramatic turn in Orson Welles' THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS [1942]) who, rather than leave his fortune to his "vulture" relatives and collaborators, decides to donate it indiscriminately by randomly choosing the names of eight strangers from the telephone book! Though it's stylishly handled all the way through, the episodes alternate jarringly between comedy, irony, melodrama and sentimentality – making the whole somewhat patchy.

Besides, a few of them are insubstantial (the Lubitsch/Charles Laughton and Stephen Roberts/Wynne Gibson segments, the latter as a prostitute who celebrates her freedom by sleeping in luxury and alone – making no secret of the girl's profession, who's later seen in her underwear and even removing her stockings, was only possible due to the relaxed censorship of the Pre-Code era) as well as repetitive (the immediate reaction of both Laughton and Charlie Ruggles, in a Norman Z. McLeod-directed episode where the star is typically flanked by the overbearing Mary Boland and which even incorporates a surreal nightmare sequence, on receiving the inheritance is to avenge themselves on their respective bosses). For that matter, Fields' segment (also helmed by McLeod) deals likewise with the sweet taste of revenge – as he and frequent sparring partner Alison Skipworth buy a number of cars simultaneously, after their brand-new vehicle has been destroyed by road-hogs, and spend the rest of the day giving irresponsible drivers they meet along the way a dose of their own medicine – but it's easily the highlight of the film.

The other episodes include: a prisoner on Death Row, Gene Raymond (directed by James Cruze), whose fortune arrives too late to change his fate; in a somewhat similar situation, the H. Bruce Humberstone-helmed segment has George Raft as a forger who, wanted by the Police, is understandably not given credit by any of his shady associates, even when he presents them with the $1 million figure – it does gain him lodging at a flop-house except that the owner, recognizing the forger from his photo in the papers, instantly turns Raft over to the proper authorities and obliviously uses the cheque to light his cigar! Again, a variation on this misuse of the money is the basis of the Gary Cooper episode (directed by William A. Seiter): he's one of three marines thrown in the stockade for unruly behavior – receiving Bennett's cheque on an April Fool's Day, he believes it all to be a mere prank, and uses it to buy himself and his pals a meal at a hamburger stand; after they all go out with the waitress there to a carnival and end up in another brawl, they're astonished the next day to see the girl and her employer living it up!

The concluding May Robson/Stephen Roberts segment – residing at a home for old ladies run by a female disciplinarian, she eventually utilizes the money to buy off the property and turn it into a recreation center (to which, ultimately, Bennett himself apparently retires!) – is among the longer episodes but also, obviously, the most sentimental. Norman Taurog, then, presumably directed the millionaire's scenes in his home and offices i.e. whenever he's not interacting with the other stars; it's unclear, however, what exactly constitutes Mendes' uncredited contribution. Unfortunately, the copy I acquired of this was rather fuzzy (after having longed for years to watch it); for what it's worth, the film is only currently available on R2 DVD, as part of a W.C. Fields collection: I didn't spring for the 10-Disc set for the simple reason that I already owned many of the titles included therein – though I'm still missing a few at this point

When I saw the title "If I Had A Million," I remembered a sequence about a nursing home, and sure enough, it was from this 1932 film. "If I Had a Million" is a collection of stories by different writers showing the effects of a multimillionaire, John Gidden (Richard Bennett) giving away his fortune, a million at a time, to people he chooses from the phone book. It's the basis of the TV series prominent during my childhood, "The Millionaire" - the alternate title of "The Millionaire" is "If You Had a Million." The stories vary from funny to ironic to poignant. Directors include Ernst Lubitsch, Norman MacLeod, William Seiter, Norman Taurog, and others; writers include Claude Binyon, Lubitsch, Joseph Mankiewicz, Whitney Bolton, etc.

The stories are all excellent: An episode with a very modern sensibility starring George Raft as a forger; Gene Raymond as a death row inmate; Gary Cooper as a marine; Charles Laughton as a downtrodden clerk; Charles Ruggles as a clumsy salesperson in a china shop; Wynne Gibson as a prostitute in a segment that's definitely precode; and two total gems, W.C. Fields and Alison Skipworth as a couple with a new car; and May Robson as a woman in a strict nursing home.

My favorite is the nursing home segment. May Robson's acting is superb as an elderly woman living with a bunch of other miserable elderly women in a nursing home. It's not a cruel place, but the woman feel restricted, and all miss their families. The faces of these women are magnificent, and this episode really tugs at the heartstrings. Robson gets the million, and what she does with it is fabulous.

Another favorite is the marine segment with a young, gorgeous Gary Cooper along with Roscoe Karns in a very funny episode. Cooper gets the million, and he doubts the check is real. A short but sweet one.

The mood of each story is different; each is worth seeing. Highly entertaining.

IF I HAD A MILLION is one of those rare films worth having on tape. I was thrilled to find this back in the 1980's, and it's a prized item of my collection.

The plot is simple, but crazy. A dying billionaire, sick of his greedy relatives, decides to randomly give million dollar checks to strangers picked via the phone book. Since this is in the middle of the depression, the results are eye-popping!

My two favorite segments involve George Raft as a petty thief unable to cash the check because the law is after him. His downward spiral is rather chilling.

The other favorite segment, and the one this 1932 film is most famous for is the one where two eccentric ex-vaudevillians (W.C Fields and Alison Skipworth) decide to run selfish road-hogs off the road. Road rage has never been funnier than in this segment. Fields' angry comments to fellow drivers is a scream.

The rest of the segments run from sappy (a man going to the electric chair gets the check) to sweetly funny (The almost wordless segment with Charles Laughton, May Robson as a fiesty rest-home victim, and Gary Cooper as an out of control Marine) This film is worth a million!

Mr. Glidden, millionaire, is dying. Everyone wonders who will get his money. His relatives hang around the mansion but he keeps changing his will. "I'm dying," he complains, "and I don't know of one man in all the thousands that I employ that's fit to leave in charge of a peanut stand."

So he comes up with a great idea: picking people out of the phone book and giving them $1,000,000 each—thus introducing an entertaining series of episodes showing various recipients and how their lives are affected.

The episodes vary in tone as well as length; overall it's a mostly lighthearted picture that doesn't overwhelm in any way but does offer a chance to see a number of Hollywood stars and character actors in unique roles:

W.C. Fields and Alison Skipworth have trouble with a road hog; Charlie Ruggles has a ball smashing up a china shop; Charles Laughton gives his boss the raspberry. Wynne Gibson is memorable in one poignant story as a rescued dance hall girl who climbs into a fancy hotel bed and tosses the second pillow into a closet.

The final story features May Robson trapped in a home for elderly ladies. They won't let her make biscuits, won't allow card playing…they won't even let her have a kitten because cats are disease carriers. ("Disease carriers, then why ain't I dead?" Robson retorts. "I've had cats all my life.") It's all pretty melodramatic but made worthwhile by the joyous transformation brought about by Mr. Glidden's gift. Robson is excellent.

Richard Bennett is energetic (especially for someone allegedly on death's door) and really quite appealing as the old Mr. Glidden. Also featured in separate stories are Gary Cooper as a Marine and George Raft as a counterfeiter.

While it's no masterpiece, it's certainly worth a look, particularly for fans of Fields and Robson.

Seven directors contributed eight episodes to this experimental film that explores how different people react to receiving 1 million dollars as a gift. The only things linking the episodes are the fact that the donor is the same person and that it is the same lawyer who delivers the checks. The result is in part dramatic and in part funny but altogether as disparate in style and quality as it is in content. Personally, I found the longer episodes (H. Bruce Humberstone's and William Seiter's) more enjoyable than the brief ones (e.g. Ernst Lubitsch's and James Cruze's). If watching a regular movie is a bit like reading a novel, watching 'If I Had a Million' is more like reading a collection of short stories where you arrive at the conclusion that you like some while others fail to impress you.

A grumpy old tycoon postpones dying a while longer so that he can give his fortune away to strangers, a million dollars at a time.

IF I HAD A MILLION is an almost legendary example of a rarely used cinematic form, the episodic film. Really a series of common-theme shorts strung together, produced by a conglomeration of writers & directors and using a large array of actors, the episodic film is an easy recipe for disaster if done wrong. Episodes compete or even clash, while the brevity of the individual sections can give the audience scant time to empathize with the characters, resulting in boredom.

Here, however, spotlighting the brilliant spectrum of talent available to Paramount Studios, everything jells quite nicely. Some episodes are more famous than others - that is inevitable. But the entire picture as a whole has cohesion & sparkle, something to grab & hold the viewer's attention. Mixing comedy, drama, and some surprisingly effective pathos, the plot of IF I HAD A MILLION - while today a mite creaky, acknowledging its age - should keep most contemporary audiences well satisfied.

Director Ernst Lubitsch & writer Joseph L. Mankiewicz are representative of the exceptional talent behind the camera. On film the following stars perform, all excellent:

Prologue - Richard Bennett as the millionaire.

Episode 1 - Timid, henpecked Charlie Ruggles & Mary Boland as his domineering wife.

Episode 2 - Wynne Gibson (uncredited) as a world-weary prostitute.

Episode 3 - George Raft as a criminal forger.

Episode 4 - Allison Skipworth & W. C. Fields as ex-vaudevillians with a special aversion to road hogs.

Episode 5 - Gene Raymond (uncredited) as a prisoner on Death Row.

Episode 6 - Charles Laughton as a lowly clerk in a huge office.

Episode 7 - Gary Cooper, Jack Oakie & Roscoe Karns as carousing Marines.

Episode 8 - May Robson as a feisty old lady in a very restrictive rest home.

Fields, Laughton & Ruggles - playing variations on the worm that turns - have come in for a lion's share of the praise down through the years, but all the performers do a very fine job, with Gene Raymond & May Robson especially poignant.

Movie mavens will enjoy spotting many familiar faces among the uncredited character actors: Grant Mitchell, Clarence Muse, Frances Dee, Berton Churchill in Episode 5; Joyce Compton & Lucien Littlefield in Episode 7; Dewey Robinson, Margaret Siddon, Gail Patrick in Episode 8; and Samuel S. Hinds as one of the millionaire's lawyers.

Episode 2 presents some pre-Production Code situations and Episode 5 is relentlessly downbeat. These sequences were often excised for television showings in decades past.

Dying tycoon John Glidden doesn't want to give his fortune to his family or his lackeys. He decides to pick eight strangers from the phone book and give each one a million dollars.

It's an interesting high-concept premise. The introduction really pulls in the audience. It's a pre-Code film and has some mature content. The premise does divide this movie into different vignettes. Some are more compelling than others, but that's not unusual. I do lose the thread of some of the stories. I wouldn't mind a modern remake as an indie with each section opening with the person getting a check in the mail.

I love this movie, it's a special favorite of mine, and the memory of my first viewing of it thirty-some years ago is so pleasant that it's hard for me to be objective about its merits. That said, after seeing it again recently I'm more convinced than ever that If I Had a Million is one of the most underrated films of the '30s. As far as I'm concerned this is a movie that has it all: comedy, pathos, irony, melodrama, a hint of sex, several car crashes, and a cast boasting some of the greatest character actors of all time. Maybe it isn't perfect, maybe the tone is erratic and a couple of segments are a bit weak, but taken as a whole it's as entertaining as any film of its era.

The story concerns millionaire industrialist John Glidden, who is ill and believed to be dying. Sick he may be, but Glidden is nevertheless energized by the contempt he feels for the greedy relatives who have gathered to await his death -- and to collect whatever monies they might inherit, of course. Glidden is so infuriated by this hypocrisy that his anger gives him a new lease on life, and it inspires an idea that fills him with glee: he decides to leave his fortune to total strangers, one million dollars at a time. At first the plan is driven by spite, but as it unfolds Glidden becomes increasingly interested in the people who receive his bequest, in how they react to their unexpected luck and what impact the money has on their lives.

Made in 1932 in the depths of the Great Depression, If I had a Million surely must have represented a mouth-watering wish-fulfillment fantasy at the time of its release, when even a hundred dollars would have amounted to an amazing windfall for many viewers. The cast of familiar faces in cameo roles was a strong selling point in the wake of Grand Hotel and other star-studded extravaganzas, and naturally it's fun to see Gary Cooper, W.C. Fields, Charles Laughton, etc., among the players, but watching the film again today I am especially struck by the performance of Richard Bennett as millionaire John Glidden. Bennett (father of Joan and Constance) was a veteran stage actor who recognized this role for the plum assignment it was, and threw himself into it with gusto. His exuberant performance really drives the opening scenes and gives the story the strong presence needed to link the segments in a satisfying way. Bennett, wild-eyed and giddy, kicks off the show with all stops out, and this not only grabs our attention immediately but also serves to sharpen the contrast with the more subdued Glidden who returns at intervals throughout.

Reviewers commenting on this film tend to single out the comedy segments featuring Laughton, Fields, and Charles Ruggles, and they're all terrific -- although Laughton's scene is best recalled for its extreme brevity and resounding punchline -- but some of the dramatic vignettes of If I had a Million are equally notable. Wynne Gibson is poignant as the waterfront prostitute who can't believe Glidden is on the level, while George Raft, never the most nuanced of actors, is surprisingly effective as the small-time crook who comes to realize that his ostensible good fortune is not a blessing but a curse. The maudlin Death Row sequence featuring Gene Raymond has never been anyone's favorite, but at least it's brief. Two older actresses, Alison Skipworth and May Robson, each make a strong impression in separate segments. Skipworth is a joy as an aging vaudevillian settling into retirement, and she more than holds her own alongside W.C. Fields in the crowd-pleasing "road hog" sequence. Robson is gallant and deeply sympathetic in the final vignette, set in a home for old ladies, where she serves as a fierce advocate for the women against the home's repressive, tyrannical director. This last sequence is the longest in the film and teeters on the brink of sentimentality, but ultimately leaves us with the most satisfying denouement of them all.

As I noted up top my first viewing of this movie was a very pleasant one. In the summer of 1970 I rented a 16mm print of If I had a Million to show at a party, and it scored a big hit. The kids loved the car crashes, Charlie Ruggles' plate-smashing spree, and Laughton's Bronx cheer, while the grown-ups appreciated the clothing, slang, automobiles and general trappings of the early '30s, a period they remembered first-hand. In later years I found that broadcasts of the film on TV usually lacked the sequences featuring Wynne Gibson and Gene Raymond, and still later I found that the movie itself had become scarce, rarely shown anywhere and never officially offered in a home-viewable format. This limbo is apparently due to legal issues involving copyrights, but I do hope the matter will be resolved eventually. If I had a Million is a delightful film that richly deserves rediscovery by a new generation!

This film appears to have been the model for TV's The Millionaire, which had a long successful run on national television. The ensemble cast, for the most part, does a great job with the segments. The best segments, in my opinion, are the old ladies' home, the Charles Laughton segment, and the first Herbert segment. The others are entertaining as well, but these are the best ones. The Raft segment and Cooper segment are a bit disappointing, as is the last mile segment. The Old Ladies' segment is very good on several levels, and has the only dramatic sequences that actually work, in addition to the humorous aspects. Catch this little gem.

This film was one of those episodic films that occasionally were turned out by studios (Paramount in particular) where each story was only tangentially connected to a running theme. Other examples are O. HENRY'S FULL HOUSE (five of O. Henry's short stories) and WE'RE NOT MARRIED (five stories of couples erroneously married by Victor Moore, before his justice of the peace powers legally began). TALES OF MANHATTAN was another sample of this type of film, using the same man's evening suit as the connecting link between the stories. American films are not the only ones that use this. Somerset Maugham's stories were anthologized in three films: QUARTET, TRIO, and ENCORE in Great Britain, and the classic deja vu horror tale, DEAD OF NIGHT is also episodic.

Here the running thread is John Giddens, a wealthy man who is in bad health. Played by stage actor Richard Bennett, Giddens is angry at all the over-attention being given to him by his family and physicians. The latter don't seem to be making him better (but are collecting large fees from him), and the former are actually wondering how soon before he dies so they can read his will. He tells his lawyer that he's tired of all these leeches around him. He decides to give the money away, a million dollars at a time, to total strangers he picks out of the phone book.

IF I HAD A MILLION was, actually, the prototype of a popular television series of the 1950s called THE MILLIONAIRE. The idea of THE MILLIONAIRE is basically what is the plot of IF I HAD A MILLION: if somebody plopped a fortune into your hands, what would you do with it? The eight people vary in background and situations. Charlie Ruggles works in a store that sells china. He is very nervous, and his bullying boss and his henpecking wife (Mary Boland, of course), don't help matters. When he gets the check, he demonstrates what he thinks of fancy china and glass to his boss. Similarly downtrodden corporate clerk Charles Laughton is barely noticed by his bosses at his desk job. When he gets the check, and realizes what it means, he goes to the head of the company, and in one moment shows what he feels about being a downtrodden underling. Wynn Gibson uses the money to finally get the good night sleep her normal job has always denied her. W.C. Fields and Allison Skipworth hate road hogs, as their recently purchased new car was destroyed by one. They decide to buy nearly thirty cars to destroy as many of the road pests as possible.

George Raft is a professional forger, who thinks this check is the answer to his problems about avoiding arrest. The problem for him is, will anyone cash his perfectly good check. Similarly Gene Raymond is happy to have the money - you see he is on death row, and with the check he can now mount the appeal he needs for a new trial (or can he?).

Gary Cooper is a slick soldier who knows all the angles. He and his two buddies figure the check is a phony joke, and they pass it off on a cook they owe money to for hamburgers they charged. Later their laughs disappear when they realize they gave the cook too much of a tip. And best is last: May Robson as an independent old lady who will not put up with the tyranny in an old age home. She not only uses the money to restore the spirit to her fellow old age victims, but she even manages to restore spirit (in the end) to her new friend, Richard Bennett.

The film was not all comic - the sequences with Raft and Raymond are actually tragic, and Gibson's success is after a lifetime of unhealthy activity (one hopes her health is good). But it was such a wide variety of stories and reactions to sudden wealth that the film remains a wonderful film experience.

What would you do if you had a fortune and didn't know who to give it to come the day of your reckoning? And what would you do if you were the recipient of an unexpected fortune? This film explores some scenarios in a series of short stories on that theme all linked to a dying man's wishes.

The wealthy dying man is Richard Bennett (Glidden) and he's a bit over the top. He's dying for goodness sake and he's old. So, why is he so energetic and shouty? He's not well played when it comes to realism. The film starts with him and so it drags for a bit as we pray for him to stop endlessly blustering and shouting. He is occasionally funny but his cantankerous manner grates.

Story 1 - China Shop. Charles Ruggles (Peabody) is a clumsy sales assistant in a china shop who is married to nagging wife Mary Boland. His pay is continually docked as he keeps dropping items and smashing them. You can probably guess the outcome of this one but its still enjoyable to watch.

Story 2 - Prostitute. Wynne Gibson (Violet) works in a bar if you know what I mean. Her story is satisfying and stays with you even though it's short. It makes its point well but she is criminally overlooked and not mentioned in the cast list.

Story 3 - Forger. Criminal George Raft (Eddie) is up to his tricks scamming banks and withdrawing money with forged cheques. He gets given a cheque for £1 million. Guess what? Ha ha.

Story 4 - Road Hogs. A classic. All I will say is "Road Hog!" Starring WC Fields and Alison Skipworth as a husband and wife team.

Story 5 - Death Row. The first misfire. Gene Raymond plays a man waiting to be executed. His acting is terrible. Quite rightly, he has been omitted from the cast list.

Story 6 - Office Worker. Charles Laughton. Waste of time. Anti-climactic and pretty insulting as a story. Very short, very obvious and very pointless.

Story 7 - Marines. Gary Cooper, Jack Oakie and Roscoe Karns play three boisterous marines and it's Cooper who gets his $1 million. Unfortunately, it arrives on April Fool's Day. Well, these three jolly fellows prank around and clown around and need money to pay for some hamburgers and take out a girl.

Story 8 - Old People's Home. The longest story and it starts badly. This is just sentimental nonsense. Predictable but it has its moments.

Getting their studio's current coterie of directors to make little mini-films compiled together into silly story about a millionaire giving his money away was a stupid idea as you'll realise by watching this. It feels like one of those charity telethons like Comic Relief where celebrities do a turn. It's not really what you'd call a feature film.

It's strangely compulsive, not because it's entertaining but to see what each director could put together in a few minutes and compare their styles. In order we've got...

Norman McLeod - CHINA SHOP The first story is a silly, superficial tale of a hen-pecked shop assistant (Charlie Ruggles) who uses his windfall to exact revenge on his vindictive employer. It's a one-joke story but so well put together you don't notice.

Stephen Roberts - VIOLET For men at least, this is the most memorable segment. It's memorable for seeing sexy Wynn Gibson provocatively undressing in her hotel room. Indeed, her undressing comprises most of this story but it's not gratuitous (well, it is a bit). It's such a clever scene because she's a prostitute - or rather was an ex-prostitute who can now, with a million dollars, enjoy her own company and her own sensually alone in a luxurious double bed. In just a few minutes Stephen Roberts creates a really effective and evocative uplifting little tale.

Bruce Humberstone - THE FORGER George Raft stars in this surreal morality tale which feels like it could have been one of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales.

Norman McCleod, again - ROADHOGS WC Fields does that annoyingly unfunny nonsense people seemed to enjoy back in the thirties.

James Cruze - DEATH CELL JAMES Cruze was a n absolute titan amongst directors in the 1920s but by the thirties his career was in nosedive. Nobody seemed to give him the memo that this project was meant to be a light-hearted picture. Death Cell, as the name suggests is a totally miserable and depressing affair. It concerns the last minutes of a guy's life as he's being dragged off to the electric chair. It's far, far too short to make any emotional impact and certainly did nothing to help rejuvenate Cruze's career.

Ernst Lubitsch - THE CLERK This is the one with Charles Laughton and it only lasts about two minutes but it pure Monty Python. Almost worth watching the whole picture for.

William Seiter - THREE MARINES With the exception of the inexplicably awful W C Fields, this is the worst segment. Absurd story, lame direction and appalling acting.

Stephen Roberts - GRANDMA Like with VIOLET, Stephen Roberts provides a proper story again with this. It's another intelligent and life affirming grown up fairy tale this time about hope in a miserable old people's home. At the start, a resident comments: There's no prison built of steel or stone that can hold a body prisoner as tight as old age and lack of money. A million dollars turns this purgatory into a slice of heaven - this provides such a lovely ending to this film that you almost forget how poor the rest of the film was.

Stephen Roberts comes off best out of this. He made the excellent STORY OF TEMPLE DRAKE and I'm now tempted to explore more of his work now.

Eight directors wow! I think this movie may still hold some kind of record for most directors on one production. But then again! This is actually eight small productions rolled into one. Robert Altman's Shortcuts tried the same kind of thing minus the eight directors. My favorite parts are the Wynne Gibson/prostitute sequence- a gem, Charlie Ruggles & Mary Boland/henpecked husband "Gimme Your Check Dear", WC Field & Allison Skipworth/Roadhog! Roadhog!, and of course dear ole May "I Can Bake Biscuits" Robson in the last sequence,... Fernwood home for elderly ladies. You gotta give Paramount credit for trying something different with eight different well-known directors set loose to run amuck. The moral of this movie or 'movies' is the underlying theme of money. What would you do if someone just came into your life one day and gave you a million dollars as Richard Bennett does in each of the eight stories? This movie was released near the start of the Depression so it must have plucked then audiences' nerves. A million dollars was a dream for many in 1932. And probably a dream for Paramount hoping this would be box office gold. I wish this movie was made a staple of the Thanksgiving-into-Christmas season period just like that classic 'It's A Wonderful Life'. This is a great comedy to be viewed over and over again. And even though it's a comedy it has a good ethical theme. It just gets better with each viewing. Just pray for a vhs or dvd release.

(** Years ago this movie 'HAD' been released on home Laserdisc in the late 1980s-early 1990s)

If I Had A Million (1932) : Brief Review -

$8 million ($170 million adjusted for inflation) spent to find one thing "Happiness." A dying tycoon decides to give away $8 million to strangers by sprinkling water drops on the phone directory's pages. He takes the initiative to meet eight parties and give each of them $1 million. The eight parties are: China Shop, Violet, The Forger, Road Hogs, Death Cell, The Clerk, Three Mariners, and Grandma. The first seven parties literally misuse the money for something that doesn't count for any value, but the last one teaches the tycoon to live happily. Happiness is the best medicine, they say, and they are right. If it was all about money, then nobody in the world would have been happy. These eight beneficiary parties show you why, as they all belong to different places, different circumstances, and different personalities. If I Had A Million is a simple film with a simple message for all, but what I figured is that the story is too good for its time. Who would have thought of such a unique concept in the early days of talkie cinema? So, it's a trendsetter in that sense. The screenplay is short and sweet, and the conflicts look real. A few encouraging dialogues would have helped, but it's a miss there. This film has a huge cast, and many of them are termed "on-screen legends." I am glad that they gave their nods to play such small parts. Gary Copper, Charles Laughton and W. C. Fields-these three became great legends later, but they played small but important roles in this not-so-big film. How often do we see that. A bunch of filmmakers came together without any ego issues to make this sweet film, and that's a small thing, I tell you. I'd like to ask you: what will you choose if you are given a choice between $100 million and happiness? If you can't answer smartly, then watch this film to make things meaningful for you. You would live happily after this.

RATING - 7/10*

By - #samthebestest.

What a terrific 1932 film! Paramount's expensive depression comedy drama is one of the very best films made in the '30s and both a poignant and hilarious look at life in 1932 America. If you saw 42ND STREET and American MADNESS and perhaps THE KID FROM SPAIN all made the same year, you would have possibly the definitive early 30s films that allow as full a view of emotions and community as could be found. The cast is astonishing.. all the Paramount A- level stars, 8 of the best directors and 8 truly inspired vignettes present a balanced view of ordinary people 'winning a million dollars'... and their next move. My personal favorite was the prostitute who just wanted a good night's sleep, unmolested, and in a clean bed. The production values are huge, massive sets and elaborate scenes, especially the short one with Charles Laughton... the attention to detail and the fully realized settings are indicative of a very expensive film. All 8 scenes are terrific, not a slouch among them, and the final sequence in the old ladies home is particularly touching. George Raft's con man sequence and Gene Raymond's electric chair scenes are real eyeopeners given the irony involved. IF I HAD A MILLION is a film to find and celebrate. How amazing to have seen this in a 3000 seat cinema in 1932! imagine the cheering from the audience in the comedy scenes! What a crowd pleaser. In Australia this film ran prime time Saturday night 8.30pm on Nationwide free to air TV, such is its treasured reputation. It scored a ratings hit. True! check The TV guides here for ABC2 Saturday night Nov 1st 2009 if you do not believe me.

Thank heavens for fans of W.C. Fields, because it is they who have kept this diamond in the public forum after all these years. The film certainly does not belong to Fields, as his Road Hog routine is just one of eight stories of varying lengths. But fortunately, his fans discovered this film so the rest of us can truly enjoy everything else it has to offer, as well. A collection of writers presented eight stories of people who get an unexpected windfall from a steel tycoon. Some are funny, some are touching, some are brilliant in their brevity, some just make you think. Just desserts is the main theme. The Eddie Jackson (George Raft) segment is twistedly ironic enough to be a "Twilight Zone" episode. And EVERYBODY wants to be Phineas Lambert (Charles Laughton). Great writing, great cast - a good time.

Superb, episodic film showing what various people would do if they got a million dollars. The cast includes all of Paramount's biggest stars at the time and all the segments are by different directors. All the episodes are excellent--some are tragic, some are hilarious (the Fields one especially). All the acting is great (Raft especially) and there's never a dull moment. All of the episodes are short and don't wear out their welcome (the film is under 90 minutes). Basically, one of the best all-star films of the 30s--right up there with "Grand Hotel" or "The Women". If you get a chance, see it! It's well worth it.

If I Had a Million was the granddaddy of later films that strung together little vignettes and drew all-star casts for box office appeal. This one has a pretty clever impetus in the plot: A dying millionaire doesn't want to leave his money to his family, so he picks out eight random people out of a telephone book and gives a million dollars to each of them. Each of the eight handles their check differently, most with tragic consequences but some with smart decisions. The overall lesson is that money changes people and most people don't know what to do with it. In the midst of the Great Depression, it was a very smart lesson to espouse. People in the audience could go home and dream about what they'd do with their million dollars, and then when they remembered they weren't getting a check from a mysterious benefactor they could relax and say, "The folks in the movie weren't any better off with the money."

George Raft, Gary Cooper, W.C. Fields, Charles Ruggles, Richard Bennet, Mary Boland, Jack Oakie, Charles Laughton, May Robson, and Alison Skipworth make up the cast, but this collection of short stories isn't very good. Mostly it's depressing and cynical, so unless you're in the mood to watch something like that, you're better off renting O. Henry's Full House.

This is one of those films that exists in a cinematic no-man's land, because it is in a legal copyright tangle. That is very unfortunate, because IF I HAD A MILLION is one of the finest of the early talkies. The story has a dying millionaire who doesn't want to see his fortune go to greedy relatives. Instead, he selects some names at random from the city directory and decides to give them each a million dollars. First, he gives the money to Charles Ruggles, a henpecked husband who is always having his salary deducted when he accidentally breaks china at the china shop that he works at. His nagging wife won't let him be. So, to get revenge, he takes his million to the store and breaks every piece of china in the place. Wynne Gibson as Violet is the next to get her million. She is a prostitute at a local bar, and she takes her money to rent a private hotel room for the night, to sleep alone. Gangster George Raft is unable to cash the check because he's been arrested for forgery. Next, three marines believe the check to be a fake and give it to a friend, who finds its true worth and spends it on himself. Convict Gene Raymond learns of his new-found fortune as he is being led to the electric chair. Office clerk Charles Laughton takes his money and tells off his boss. And in GRANDMA, kindly old May Robson uses the money to spruce up the old ladies home, Idyllwood. But the highlight is the W.C. Fields sequence, in which he, fed up with road hogs, buys a whole lot of used cars to use as an army against the oncoming traffic. All in all, IF I HAD A MILLION remains a true classic.