- Skip Houston: [teasing Bonnie while she's doing a tap dance on stage] Hey, that's a snappy routine - in fact it always was a good routine, I remember *way back* in 1914...
- Song writer in Madison's office: [he's just played a new song he wrote] How do you like it?
- Billy Madison: It's lousier than ever.
- Song writer in Madison's office: Billy, I'll stake my life on this number. It's got everything in it!
- Billy Madison: Yeah - that's the trouble with it.
- Sidney Selzer: [pointing out to Skip Houston that the public doesn't seem to like Bonnie Haydon's performances] Ah, look at these letters. One fellow says her voice would sound better through a thick feather pillow. And they send them by airmail, so they can tell us *faster* how terrible they think she is! Am I right, Sigmund?
- Sigmund Selzer: For once, you're right!
- Sigmund Selzer: Have a Seltzer cigar?
- 'Ten Percent' Nelson: If they're Seltzers, I'll take two.
- Sidney Selzer: Save the bands! We're going to have a contest over the radio, you know? Anyone that sends in ten thousand bands first gets a baby grand piano.
- 'Ten Percent' Nelson: Ten thousand Seltzer cigars? They won't want a piano, they'll need a harp.
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