- 'Gaga': Say, Handsome, them fellas up there said you couldn't lick a postage stamp! And they asked me to tell ya.
- 'Handsome' Callahan: Ah, pay no attention to the deadwood, Gaga. The higher up a man like goes in the Navy, the more jealous the small fry gets.
- 'Duke': How did you get here?
- 'Handsome' Callahan: I was Shanghai'd.
- 'Duke': Shanghai'd?
- 'Handsome' Callahan: Yeah. Kidnapped by a dame. I was standin' on the corner, minding my own business, when she sneaked up behind me. Shot me with a poison arrow. Threw me in her car. And here I am.
- 'Handsome' Callahan: Say, I thought you said you lived on a ranch?
- Helen Farnsworth: I do. This is it.
- 'Handsome' Callahan: What do raise? Elephants?
- Admiral Farnsworth: I still contend that the battleship is the backbone of our national defense. Airplanes are marvelous weapons, I grant you that. But, this idea about battleships being a thing of the past is all poppycock!
- Joe: No cracks! Do you get it? That lady happens to be my girlfriend. One more word outta you and I'll button you up like an overcoat.
- Helen Farnsworth: You must know Admiral Farnsworth too?
- 'Handsome' Callahan: You mean old Gas Bag Farnsworth?
- Helen Farnsworth: Gas Bag?
- 'Handsome' Callahan: Say that guy could talk an ear off a tin horse. If he can fight like he can talk, say listen, all the Navy would need would be him in a rowboat.
- Queenie: You won't forget me, will ya?
- 'Handsome' Callahan: Forget you? Say listen sister, elephants and sailors never forget.
- 'Handsome' Callahan: Take it easy, sister. There's something screwy around here.
- Queenie: Yeah and I'm lookin' right at it.
- 'Handsome' Callahan: You look tired. Why don't you go to sleep?
- Vincent: Oh, I can't sleep, sir. Insomnia. I haven't slept nights since I was a boy. My father used to play me to sleep with his harmonica.
- 'Handsome' Callahan: Oh, is that so?
- Vincent: Yes, sir. He used to play a little tune about a - a little pickaninny, sir.
- 'Handsome' Callahan: Say, that's a coincidence. I know a little tune about a pickaninny.
- The Baroness: Please sit down.
- 'Handsome' Callahan: I don't wanna sit down. I've been sittin' all night.
- The Baroness: Oh, well, you'll sit to please me, won't you?
- Admiral Farnsworth: Say, I bet you'll never forget that time you two got mixed up with those native dancers down in Tahiti.
- 'Handsome' Callahan: Yeah, good old Tahati.
- 'Handsome' Callahan: Not a bad lookin' squaw, either. But, what a kidder! You know what she told me? She said that Mussolini, eleven Admirals, and Babe Ruth was gonna be here this afternoon.
- 'Handsome' Callahan: Oh, lady, I can't stay in here with you. It ain't proper.
- The Baroness: Oh, please, you can't go. You mustn't. I'm so frightened. Oh, and you're so big and strong.
- 'Handsome' Callahan: Listen, lady, if I'm gonna stay here, you gotta control yourself.
- The Baroness: How can I control myself with you so close. You're asking too much.
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