Island Lays

When your claim to fame is cranking out boring "porn parodies", it's not surprising that you expend zero effort on an assembly-line porn project. Such is the case of Will Ryder's "Island Lays" for Hustler, a piece of junk kindly mailed to me (as ballast) called a "bonus" in a package of DVDs I'd ordered.

Ryder avoids reverse shots and cutting, reverting to the cheap old technique of real- time shooting. Slim premise for the video is a vacation paradise (probably shot locally in some L.A. marina) where attractive Asian girls service the tourists. In a legitimate Adult film some sort of storyline and characters would have been concocted; or in Ryder's case some idiotic spoof of "Fantasy Island".

But no, that is too much trouble. The folks at Hustler and the filmmakers perhaps (unfortunately accurately) concluded that all that matters is pretty girls and explicit sex, period. After nearly 50 years of pornography being widely available it seems that even "critics" or at least let us say reviewers of porn films and videos concur with that assessment. Check out any recent review (other than my own) of Carlos Tobalina's recently reissued oeuvre.

Au contraire - I still demand more, a whole lot more. This slipshod excuse for over 2 hours of porn never gets interesting. For $100 a pop the girls service familiar porn actors, but even they seem ashamed, as Richie Calhoun for example never shows his face at all - we only have the on-screen credit to prove he showed up for work. (Yes, dear reader, I have not memorized what Richie's cock looks like, though I'm sure many over-the-top porn fanatics have. I do confess to being able to spot more famous historical cocks, say John Holmes's or Mandingo's.)

Of the five gals, Jayden Lee is familiar from far better projects, and Gaia has the beauty to hang in there for a decent career. None of them deserve this throwaway treatment.