Sports Spa

Repetitive and blah, "Sports Spa" is ill-named, as it is merely Alan- directed web scenes compiled for DVD release. An attractive cast is ill- served.

For example, Siri is styled and photographed unattractively, particularly in a scene where she disrobes to get on the massage table and looks uncomfortably like one of the plumpers (way out of shape and unfit) used by Tom Ford in the memorable "shock" opening credits for his pretentious stinker titled "Nocturnal Animals". Her lengthy (nearly 40 minutes long) vignette has only 9 minutes of hardcore action at the end, as Alan delivers an endless volleyball lesson for Siri by teacher Jelena Jensen that crudely segues to topless volleyball at Siri's request - seemingly she's a fan of those '50s Nudist Camp soft porn films.

Two of the stars perform double duty (these are all unrelated scenes made for streaming or stand-alone website viewing by subscribers), as Jensen switches from coach/masseuse to client in a scene with the wonderful Natalia Starr. Nat identifies herself as a Gold Medal winning veteran of the Polish swimming team at the Olympics, and tries briefly to teach Jelena Jensen to swim. Had Alan used a script (he never does) I would have expected a joke about "you'll never sink with those ta-tas" to have been inserted for JJ's benefit at this point, but no such luck.

Abigail Mac gets top billing, but within the compilation she has her name misspelled twice as "Abigale Mack", indicative of the carelessness of this Gamma Entertainment team. (Bree Mill's producer credit is also missing, she getting merely the cryptic "creative director", an oxymoron for this project, at the end.)

Mac is masseuse to client Erica Fontes, a beautiful blonde Portuguese actress whose Chatsworth appearances are worth watching. She tricks Fontes into being a customer, after ogling Erica when they're working out near each other in the weight room and she slips a massage coupon into her back pack.

Abigail is customer to Celeste Star in the opening segment, with Star as her yoga teacher. Even the props team at Gamma flunks out, spelling her character's name as "Celeste Starr" on the wall diploma indicating she's certified for yoga instruction. The lesbian icon is impressive as always, undoubtedly teaching Mac a thing or three about the Sapphic arts (that's the type of diploma she really deserves).

Very boring (eyes glazing over time) blonde on blonde action is executed by Lexi Belle oiling up Kendall Kayden. This segment only serves to make petite Kendall the jail-bait instead of Lexi filling that usual role.