- Nelson Chadwick: I don't know about you, but my Fifties were pretty bleak. Living on the 3 Ms... Marijuana, martinis, and masturbation. I was 60-years-old when Kevin stuck his hand down my shorts. At the Y, for Chrissake. Nelson's Column, that's what he called it. He's 30 years younger than I am, but he's crazy about me. Who woulda thought?