. . . "You can't bake your cake, and eat it, too." THE MERRY WIDOW is such a long movie that viewers might expect future Queen Sally to be stuffing her face with cake regularly. However, despite getting hitched twice, Sally does not ingest a morsel of baked goods--not even a crumb of wedding cake! Furthermore, when she comes upon a scene where all the other chorus girls are allowing their milk spigots to air out "au naturel," Sally chastely keeps her nozzles suited up despite the pleas from male film audience members after 119 grueling minutes of European turf war tedium. Doubtless Queen Marie could have been more successful in keeping her noggin had she been willing to appease the rabble by doffing other things. Hopefully Sally's prudence will not result in a half-court basket buzzer beater akin to Marie's.