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Bonehill Road (2017)
4/10
Should be called "Bonehead Road"
25 December 2018
I love horror films, and grew up during the Golden Age of 80s slasher flicks. I'm not some elitist snob who only gives big-budget films a chance, I approach all horror films WANTING to like them (this movie was no different). Based solely on the online reviews, I bought the DVD without having seen the movie. Now I remember why I don't do that. The acting is abysmal. I get that the movie is meant to pay homage to 80s films, but that would be an insult to 80s movies. It's like saying that the Ford Pinto was built to pay homage to the Chevy Bel-Air. I get that the budget was in the low thousands, but, still, "Blair Witch" cost less than that and had several things this doesn't, like atmosphere, suspense, talent, etc. I just finished watching the movie and am fighting the urge to get in my car just so I can have the satisfaction of throwing the disc out the window at high speed. It has no personality, the effects are sub-par, and the monsters look like a cartoon version of better monsters from other movies. There is one upside, though: I've been craving a sequel to the timeless classic "Dog Soldiers" for years, and I now realize I can make my own. Shooting begins in my basement tomorrow, as soon as my cell phone is fully charged.
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