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Dark Space (2013)
3/10
Ship of fools
24 July 2013
A bunch of irresponsible and immature --oh yeah-- and "dumb" young men and women make an interplanetary journey from earth to Centari Five for a vacation. As soon as they board ship there is hard-driving rock music, pot-smoking and beer-swilling. If they were doing this in a suped-up SUV on a highway on earth it would be irresponsible. In a space ship traveling from one planet to another? --Well one of them starts to complain about how slow the ship is moving ("My grandmother flies faster than 10X"). They come into agreement and convince the resident nerd/geek to fiddle with the ship's mechanics; specifically the part that regulates speed. Once this is done the speed indeed gets amped up but the ship goes off course and the young drunkards wind up somewhere getting bumped by asteroids. At this point, one of the young women, sitting in some kind of meditation-pose, chimes "The Universe will take care of us". This is the same young woman who did most of the squealing in the movie. Apparently at this point the pot she was smoking was no longer circulating in her brain. Anyway, their oxygen supply is threatened by damage to the ship and they are forced to land on a "earth-like" planet.

After an ungraceful landing, 4 of them go out to explore the planet and see if they can get help while 2 of them stay behind (resident nerd and Miss "universe will take care of us"). The thing that stood out the most, and what really annoyed me, was how naive and even stupid these people were. Realistically, most people would not behave the way they did. What would YOU do reader, and how would you act if you crash-landed on an alien planet far away from what is familiar to you? --Never mind that it looks like earth with air you can breathe. If you are responsible and sensible, you operate with caution. You are wary and alert. Even an animal suddenly thrust into an unfamiliar environment has enough sense to do this. Well, reader, not this group. From the way they behaved you would think that they were just out hiking in one of the nation's national parks. Who knows, maybe that's where they filmed this thing. They even stopped to do some skinny-dipping. I remind you this is an "alien planet" whose lifeforms (except the earth-like vegetation) is yet unknown. What might, for example, live in the water? --Or what natural phenomenon may be in operation under the placid surface that could be life threatening? For that matter, how do they even know that it's water as we know it on earth just because it "looks like it"?

In this movie when anyone thought they heard or saw something they said "Hello?" Are you f!!cking kidding me? Is that what you would say, reader? Personally, I would shut the f!!ck up and be as quiet as I could be. And if there was a place where I could hide, wait, watch and assess I would go there. I would not stand out in the open talking about "Hello?" They did this repeatedly. The resident nerd/geek did it while he was on the ship trying to repair it. He thought he heard something and said "Hello?" You would think this guy was in his home responding to a noise he heard in his backyard. THEN IT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE. You are on an alien planet dumbo. Lifeforms unknown. He even had the door to the ship wide open. Supposedly, until the ship was repaired, it was the only way to get oxygen. In that case why not keep the door open only a crack? This way you could get your air and peek thru if you hear something and be safe. No, folks, this idiot had the door wide open as if he was getting ready to throw a "Everyone is Welcome" party.

Finally, the acting could have been better in some instances but the writing and directing is what screwed this movie as I have described above. The characters were so stupid they didn't even have animal instincts. It was a good idea in general and I can only wonder what a better writer and director would have done with it. No doubt it would have earned this movie at least 2 or maybe even 3 more stars from me. Love, Boloxxxi.
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