Lara Croft XXX

After directing a "big deal" porn picture a decade ago boasting a six-figure budget, "Revenge of the Petites", filmmaker Harry Sparks is reduced to what looks like a four-figure quickie spoofing the endlessly ripped off Lara Croft character in this tedious, hour-long VOD junker.

Playing like a much-padded, way too long Brazzers vignette (without the laughs), the feature immediately self-destructs by starting with a half hour of its two leading ladies masturbating in utterly static solos: first Jenna Sativa, one of porn's most beautiful actresses made to look ugly here, fingering herself in boring fashion; then tall, blonde beauty Val Dodds (as adventurer Lara Croft) fingering herself in the shower.

The duo head off on a trek on an island, shot like a backyard movie, and have a non-encounter with a stop-motion dinosaur -poorly done. They find a little metal box containing a decoder that gives Dodds a chance to plug "The Da Vinci Code" and which she solves faster than you can say Rubik's Cube. Their inevitable lesbian sex scene is a bore.

Porn, mainstream movies, tv, streaming -it's all about creating content, and here we have a lesson from Mr. Sparks on what the lower, almost lowest, type of content looks like.