Granted, when I sat down to watch the 2024 movie "Space Sharks" I harbored zero expectations to the movie. Why? Well, first of all, the movie's title was sufficient in itself. And the fact that the only familiar name on the cast list was Eric Roberts just didn't elevate any hopes for the movie. But I am a sucker for shark movies, and of course I would give writer and director Dustin Ferguson's 2024 movie a fair chance on the off-chance that it might actually be a worthwhile movie.
The narrative in the movie is near non-existing. You mostly just watch random people mill about with their daily lives and chores, to the way-too-high sounds of 1980s synth music. Yeah, it wasn't really particularly entertaining to say the least. And the writer copies heavily from the 1987 movie "Predator" as well, to the point where it was embarrassing to witness.
And the dialogue in the movie was terrible. It was as if it was written by either AI or some pre-school student with dreams of being a script writer.
The acting performances in "Space Sharks" was sluggish and laughable. It felt like the majority of the actors and actresses didn't buy into this movie themselves, and they were just there to collect an easy pay cheque. And even Eric Roberts looked and felt like his mind was far away on some remote tropical beach while his body was on the set of "Space Sharks". Aside from Eric Roberts, then I was only familiar with actress Brinke Stevens. Yeah, I've seen enough low budget and dubious movies to recognize her, I admit that.
The movie's dialogue track is very low, and you need to crank up the volume to hear the dialogue properly. But there is a problem, because the movie's annoying 1980s synth score is way higher than the dialogue, so you have two very different scales of volume going on.
I am beyond amazed how a movie that is made in 2024 can have CGI effects that look like something from a game from the early 2000s. The CGI animation scene with the corridors after the intro sequence was just insanely cringeworthy to look at. The graphics were just so horribly outdated.
And you have to suffer through about 39 minutes of the movie before you get to see the God-awful sharks themselves. And 39 minutes was well over half of the movie, as it runs at a staggering 70 minutes of pure pointless boredom.
While the movie is terrible and abysmal, it wasn't even on the scale where it was fun to watch. Nay, "Space Sharks" is just straight up a terrible and ridiculous movie, that is not worth your time, money or effort. Some of us suffered through this dumpster fire of a movie, so you don't have to; you're quite welcome.
My rating of "Space Sharks" lands on an undisputed one out of ten stars.
