Granted, with "The United States of Horror: Chapter 1" being a horror anthology, I have to admit that I didn't have much of any grand expectations to it. Why? Well, because the vast majority of horror anthologies are dubious affairs that hardly proves worth the time and effort. Yet, as I had never heard about this 2021 horror anthology, I opted to sit down and give it a chance.
Okay, well the 2021 horror anthology "The United States of Horror: Chapter 1" wasn't exactly off to a great start. I mean, a horror anthology set to take place in the United States of America, but it is narrated by a British actor from Liverpool. Good choice, right there. Sure, I get that Doug Bradley is an icon within the horror genre, given his role of Pinhead, and he has a very distinct and recognizable voice, but he is British.
Moving on. Well the first segment is titled "Dark Lights" and takes place in Nevada, was a rather bland vampire story, with some of the most questionable blood effects I've seen in quite some time. It didn't really display any acting performances.
The second segment is titled "Don't Drink the Water" and is set to take place in North Carolina. The story here was over before it even started, and that made for a rather dull viewing experience.
Moving on to the third segment, which takes place in Florida, and is titled "The Succubus". At least the title here held some promise. But the director spent most of the segment showing a lame lovemaking scene. The design of the succubus was interesting, though. This segment was actually good, despite the wasted time on the sex scene.
And the fourth segment is titled "Vexed" and is set in California. This segment actually showcased some proper acting talents. And better yet, the story was also good.
Right, then on to the fifth segment, titled "The Locket" and taking place in Connecticut. Ugh, not off to a good start, as it was some vlogger, and I just can't stand those narcissistic attention cravers. In all fairness, however, the story was actually not bad, despite the atrocious self-centered vlogger main character.
The sixth segment takes place in New Hampshire, and is titled "Teddy #Scarebear" and it was boring. Also it was over before it even started.
Skipping along for the seventh segment, titled "Billy: Ungodly Hour", and set in Utah. At least the title was interesting. But the segment was not all that good, and the acting was rather dubious.
Which leads us to the eight segment, which is titled "Dirigo" and is set to take place in Maine. And it proved to also be a dud. The storyline here was just laughably stupid.
Segment number nine is set in Arkansas and is titled "Claw Hollow". Even that one struck out, as it proved to be a somewhat irrelevant story.
Next up is "Red Abyss", and that story is taking place in Michigan. Guess what? Yup, that one was a dud too. Not a particularly entertaining story. There simply is too many segments where they use white contact lenses.
Unto the eleventh segment, which had a nice title. It was "Entropic" and is set to take place in Arizona. And this was a stop-motion animated segment. It was genuinely a weird storyline that made no sense. No. Just no!
"Needlework" was the twelfth segment, taking place in Washington. Also a segment with a storyline that just didn't make much sense, or have much of any coherent red thread to it.
Rushing on to the thirteenth segment. This one was titled "Elysia" and took place in Pennsylvania. This was another vampire tale, but at least it proved much better than the first vampire segment "Dark Lights". The acting performances in "Elysia" were good. This was actually one of the better segments throughout the anthology.
And no, it didn't stop here. Sliding on to the fourteenth segment, titled "Crockpot" and set to take place in Missouri. At least the title had me chuckling. The acting performances in this segment were also good, which was a much needed thing for the anthology. It as an okay storyline too.
I actually don't think I saw a single familiar actor or actress on the cast list, for better or worse. I do like watching unfamiliar talents and faces on the screen when I sit down to watch a movie. I will admit to that, so I was in for a treat here while suffering through this rather dull horror anthology.
All throughout the course of the 99 prolonged minutes that the anthology ran for, I sat and wondered in the suffering would soon end. Yet, I managed to endure it to the end, wanting to see if not at least one, just one, of the segments would prove it worthwhile having wasted 99 minutes on watching "The United States of Horror: Chapter 1".
One thing left to talk about here is Doug Bradley's narration. It felt and sounded like he didn't want to be there doing the narration of the anthology. His voice was lacking the usual luster and drive that it usually has, so it was a bit of a flaccid experience listening to him sort of sluggishly get through this.
"The United States of Horror: Chapter 1" is not the horror anthology that turns the table in terms of my perception of horror anthologies, because this was just a dumpster fire of an anthology.
My rating of "The United States of Horror: Chapter 1" lands on a three out of ten stars.
