'Crouching Tiger, Hiding Viewer!'
Kaal Dir- Soham Cast- Vivek Oberoi, John Abraham, Lara Dutta, Esha Deol, Vishal Malhotra, Vineet Sharma and Ajay Devgan. Written by- Soham Rating- *
Man-eating tigers are the least horrifying aspect of 'Kaal'- Karan Johar's Dharma Productions and Shahrukh Khan's Red Chillies Entertainment's valiant march into Varma's world! There's a much more dangerous threat lurking in the reels of this debacle! It appears as if the whole cast is infected with a virus that induces horrendously low levels of acting! In what must be a brilliant achievement- Soham has managed to extract impossibly bad performances not only from 'specialists at bad acting' like Esha Deol and Lara Dutta, but even from the talented Vivek Oberoi and the highly gifted Ajay Devgan.
That leaves us with John Abraham. Don't worry, he's pathetic too! We are first introduced to his toned abdomen while he is running and then, shown him serenading with a python! Some gay fantasy, this! Thankfully, we are also informed that he works with the National Geographic and has a wife, Riya(Esha Deol). Krish(Johnny boy!) and Riya head off to the jungle of Orbit Park to investigate an increasing number of suspicious killings, apparently by tigers. Jungle mein mangal? Orbit(Corbett rechristened?!?) Park incidentally boasts the largest number of tigers in India. Also on their way to this tigerland are a group of city-bred animals- Dev(Vivek Oberoi), Ishika(Lara Dutta), Vishal(Vishal Malhotra) and Sajid(Kushal Punjabi). A car-breakdown and a 'mrityunjaya mantra' reciting weirdo(Vineet Sharma) later, our animals encounter the python-lover and his lover! A few more reels and a few more killings! Enter Kali Pratap Singh(Ajay Devgan), a mysterious villager who offers to help them get out of the jungle. All things aside, Ajay Devgan's entrance is a crackling scene that actually gives one the goose bumps, unlike the creepy scenes which were meant to
but never do! The time by which this bunch runs away from the jungle, a few more surprises are revealed. A good student of cinema will see the twist coming a long way before it actually does. And while that takes away from the thrill of the revelation, what hurts more is the script's sudden jumping of genres. A bad case of identity crisis- the script is unsure whether it is a thriller or a horror! So while the movie promises you a wild thriller in the first half, it resorts to the supernatural in the latter half!
The screenplay moves at a turgid pace with no significant episode in the first three-quarters of an hour. Desperate attempts at making the audiences jump from their seats result in loud guffaws. Sample this- we are led to believe that an anonymous hand is about to cause some terror to a character only to be revealed that the hand in question is the character's own! Hands down, the most stupid scene! Also stupid is Lara Dutta exercising her vocal chords in a role that she has screamed her way through! Vivek Oberoi makes more facial contortions than a constipated man while Esha Deol redefines poor acting and looks like she's straight out of a lingerie ad for a tiger-skin brassiere! The usually dependable Ajay Devgan is made to mouth lines that are far below his acting quotient. The only decent act comes from Vineet Kumar as Bagga. The sound by Dwarak Warrier is brilliant but overused to a nauseating effect.
In a nutshell, Dharma is no Varma! All the monkey-screeches, tiger-roars, owl-howls and Lara-screams add up to one excruciating visit to the cinema hall! A toddler behind me kept insisting his father to leave the theater and go home. Actually, he was voicing the sentiments of all present!
Rating- *
* Poor ** Average *** Good **** Very Good ***** Excellent
29th April, 2005
