Christopher Titus: Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding

[about his mother]

Chris Titus: Without her I don't exist. Without her, I wouldn't be doing this for a living. Without her, in four states, it would still be legal to kill a man with a cappuccino machine. She touched a lot of lives. Diagnosed manic depressive schizophreinc. Actually, it was pretty cool as a kid, 'cause I never really knew *who* was coming to dinner. But I was pretty sure they were going to be bummed out. It used to piss my teachers off. All my permission slips had different signatures on them.

[laughter]

Chris Titus: "Okay, Mr. Smart Ass, why don't you stand up? Who's this one supposed to be?"

[as a whining kid]

Chris Titus: "It's my mom."

[laughs]

Chris Titus: "Call her. But let me listen, let me listen, let me listen! I'll bet my lunch money she's Wheezy Jefferson today."