Reawakened

Despite my thousands of movies under my belt and my enthusiasm for horror in particular, my brief stint of offering critiques was short lived and I have offered no public reviews for years... until this horror of a movie crossed my path.

My header says it all. I was tempted to give this movie a one star but to be honest, there are actually even worse movies out there. The shocking thing is that while this movie would fit in as a direct to video release in the 80's, it is actually a new release. It has the sound quality, lighting, effects, scripting, and acting of those 80's films we watch to be appalled at and laugh at how bad they were, but this one doesn't even try to make itself satirical. It seems to be a sincere attempt to make a horror movie... a sincere attempt that failed oh so miserably. Everything is wrong with it... and rather than break all that wrongness down (and I would love to do so but it would take longer to write every terrible thing down than the crew actually spent on filming it) I will keep things short, and just say that you have a million better things to do with your time... even getting a lobotomy or a serious case of jaundice would be a more unique and interesting way to spend some time.

I will only say one good thing about it. You and several friends might enjoy getting very drunk and ripping it apart... it certainly invites it, but it might even get dull doing that.