Quotes

I have every character I've ever played tattooed on my body. But I've decided to put the name Lazarus next, because that's who I am. I've walked out of the grave time and time again. (Showing the name "Jesse" tattooed on his forearm.)

I had a rough time in school. I was a very pretty boy and where I come from everyone looks exactly the same. If you're even the slightest bit different you're a target. I was a hypersensitive kid and I was bullied quite a bit.

They wouldn't even let me do certain interviews. I remember getting an interview request from "The Advocate" after we made "Jimmy Dean" and they told me I absolutely couldn't speak with a gay magazine, even though I was playing a gay character. I think they were scared I would say something about my sexuality, and they were probably right.

I found out on my 40th birthday and three days later I was in the hospital. But because of the infections I had, they made me take tuberculosis medicine and that didn't mix with those older HIV meds. There were so many side effects. It was like I was poisoned. I almost died there, but thankfully my friends took me to an AIDS health clinic, which saved my life. (On his diagnosis with HIV, thrush, pneumonia, and tuberculosis.)

When I got off the plane to New York, I breathed my first relaxed breath, probably in my life. Because I realized I was safe. There, all of my negatives turned into positives. Things like the way I walked became an attraction as opposed to something people would laugh at.

My dad took me in the bathroom and said, "Look in the mirror. Look in that man's eyes. That's who you're going on this trip with. Know him, be on his side." (After coming home in tears because he had been bullied at school.)

I remember my first manager came to my house, went to my closet, and told me what I could and couldn't wear. All the things I could wear, she threw them on the floor in the closet and said, 'This is the way normal boys dress. They wear wrinkled and dirty clothes. And the other things you really love? Don't wear them.' (On how he was put in a closet in Hollywood by others.)

The only thing we're waiting for is me. It's not that I'm embarrassed in any way, but I'm a private person, and I have a different life now. These are parts of my story that have never been published before, and I've had to think about whether or not I was prepared to have those conversations over and over again. But I've decided to share them with you today because I think I'm ready to tell the next part of the story. It's my obligation to tell it the way it happened, and it's a story that needs to be told. I've looked at my mortality, and I lived through it. (On plans to film a documentary of his own life, titled, "There is No Jesse".)

I don't think I was ever closeted, to be honest with you. Once I figured out I was gay, I always acted on it. But I was always afraid some redneck would kill me on a back road. That's where I thought I would end up because that's where I come from. Theater provided me a safe space.

It was what I would consider my last true hardcore audition. They began to ask me if I would be comfortable playing a gay character and telling people I was straight if they began to question my sexuality? I remember looking around that table and I knew every one of those men were gay. All I could think about was how everyone I knew was dying from AIDS and we were having this bullshit conversation. My heart just broke and that was the line for me. I knew I would never be able to do what they were asking, so I walked away from Hollywood and decided to move on to a place where it was totally acceptable to be gay. (On his audition for a gay character on CBS.)

That advice that my father gave me all those years ago has proved to be true. I'm authentically me, and now every day I feel more free. I'm so thankful I have so many stories to tell and have lots of different ways I can tell them. Whether it's cooking you dinner, painting you a purse, or making a movie - it doesn't matter. I'm a storyteller and I have a fabulous memory. So watch out because I don't forget a thing.

When I started working in New York, I didn't have the common sense to keep my sexuality a secret. I wasn't famous. I was just a kid going to auditions for commercials and stuff. In New York I would go out to gay bars and it was no big deal, but in Los Angeles, I was told I wasn't allowed to step foot in West Hollywood because agents would post people in the L.A. gay bars so they could sabotage the career of any actor who competed with one of their clients. It was very cutthroat. (On the homophobia in Hollywood.)

I knew I was going to be hired for "Jimmy Dean". It was one of those moments where you knew it was your destiny.