Quotes

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

Do not ever try to be funny, for it is a terrible curse. Here is a world going to pieces and I am worried. Yet when I stand up before an audience to deliver my serious thoughts, they begin laughing. I have been advertised to them as funny, and they refuse to accept me as anything else.

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

American politicians will do anything for money; English politicians take the money and won't do anything.

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

I detest life-insurance agents. They always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

I am free to admit that I am the kind of man who would never notice an oriole building a nest unless it came and built it in my hat in the hat-room of the club.

As for exercise, if you have to take it, take it and put up with it. But as long as you have the price of a hack and can hire other people to play baseball for you and run races and do gymnastics when you sit in the shade and smoke and watch them - great heavens, what more do you want?

Every man, deep down, is a fisherman.

There is an old motto that runs, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again". This is nonsense. It ought to read, "If at first you don't succeed, quit, quit at once".