The Serial Killer's Wife

Blackbox Multimedia and Clapperboard Studios are to be congratulated on raising the cash to make this unbelievable rubbish. I hope that it was safely stashed away off shore before the investors demanded their money back!

The casting sessions must have been hilarious, with agents charged with finding the 'Don't call us...!' actors for the auditions - it's OK to be 'wooden', but at least get the flat pack assembled before shooting! Worst was Annabel Scholey, who has probably created a new acting technique, Not Method but Metod, after the IKEA kitchen range. To be fair, her expression throughout, of total uninvolvement with the plot, was quite probably a subtle indication, a cry for help, of her desire to be anywhere but in this production. But, as Larry Olivier said to similarly 'gifted' Dustin Hoffman, "Try acting, dear boy!"

Then there's Doctor Tom. I know quite a few young doctors, and none of them could afford that house, and knowing Kent coastal property prices, that house would certainly have been beyond his income. The BDSM scenes had the erotic stimulation of a revivalist meeting.

SPOILER ALERT! If there is a spoiler alert, it is simply not to spoil four hours of your time watching this crap!