Meet Jorge Montesi. Who? He's the writer/director/producer/editor and lead actor of "Birds of Prey". This seriously has to be one of the dumbest, dullest, most incompetent and wannabe hardcore action flicks I've ever seen in my life. Everyone in this production parades around like they're starring in the biggest gangster epic since "The Godfather", but basically the story and especially the characters are completely retarded and implausible. The plot supposedly takes place in a big metropolitan city; overruled by prostitution, corruption and dirty business. The lead pimps – the alleged true lords of the criminal underworld – are all elderly men, chubby and either bald or grey. They sure try to act tough, but they're obviously cheerful grandpas that Montesi recruited in an old folks home. The slightly younger actors, including Jorge Montesi himself, all wear pornographic mustaches. The plot is a bunch of nonsense. The super-mega pimp, who never shows his face but must be close to 90-years-old judging by the sound of his voice, commands the execution of several unimportant pimps and wants that small time crook Harry Card takes the blame for them. Harry just happens to be the best friend of badass cop Carlos Solo and he believes in his innocence. What kind of cop has a criminal as his best friend. They actually play pool together and visit each other's mother, but apparently have an agreement never to exchange information about their jobs. What the hell? Oh yes, the executions are taken care of by a female assassin (super-tough, of course) who sort looks like a mingling of Melanie Griffith in "Body Double" and Brigitte Nielsen in "Beverly Hills Cop II". The cast and their performances would be hilarious if they weren't so damn pathetic. "Birds of Prey" is filmed in the ugliest place on earth, which apparently is a place called Edmonton in Canada, and the attempts at bringing action footage are miserable. A car chase in this film lasts approximately two streets before the idiot behind the wheel crashes and the car spontaneously catches fire. There's nudity but the women are unattractive and, in the end, the bad guys triumph. Excellent. I'd really encourage more people to watch this, but it only exists on VHS and will probably never find its way to DVD.
