From the director of Cannibal Holocaust and the Barbarian Brothers, Ruggero Deodato, comes this Italian action rip-off. These types of movies have a nostalgic feel for me, especially this one. It reminds me of the old mom & pop video stores, before Blockbuster. The action movie section would be filled with row upon row of movies like this one. These would be all the movies I'd love to see but couldn't. C grade movies with B grade video cases. The video cases always looked like some fantasy artist just did the movie poster. The covers would rarely live up to the actual movie, but we could hope. Nowadays, the same type of movies have horrible covers to boot. I am not sure when this developed, but I think it has to do with the ready availability of Photoshop and computers. Now on to the movie.
Miami, Florida 1994.
It actually looks more like Miami, Florida 1984, but who's counting. Over a Super Fuzz like disco theme song, we get the Circle Line tour of Miami via water and air. Two guys (we later find out these are our "heroes") break in through the front door of a house, commit several acts of murder, assault and one act of kidnapping. They escape through the front of the house. We never get any real background on the two men other than the following : Mike (played by a leathery-looking Christopher Connelly) and Washington (but please call him by his new name, Mohammed) are ex-military privateers/mercenaries. The initial mission they were on was for someone called the "Colonel". After getting paid for their services, they are off to Trinidad on a boat for R&R.
At the same time, an attractive Dr. Rollins (Gioia Scola - another veteran of Lucio Fulci's Conquest) is forcibly transported via helicopter to a military research platform at 68 N - 28 W (middle of the ocean) to investigate a crazy artifact that was found when a Russian sub crashed. The artifact is reportedly 12,000 years old. She deduces that the artifact is a "Rosetta stone" for Atlantis, using a pair of tweezers, a small magnifying glass and a slide show. As they attempt to bring the submarine to surface, a giant storm breaks loose which sinks the platform. Also a "model of an island in a plastic bubble" apparently rises from the ocean. Mike and Washington (I mean Mohammed) rescue the survivors of the platform, including the attractive Dr. Rollins. At this point the cabin boy, Manuel, has a minor freak out and jumps ship.
The crew end up back on land and they discover a city that has been totally devastated. It was caused by a group of rejects from the Auto and Gun shows that dress like an offshoot of the Village People's leather guy, with lots of shimmery golden makeup and crazy haircuts. Their leader wears a transparent skull mask, leather vest and neck guard and carries a riding crop (even though he rides in a 50's Ford with the Ben-Hur modification to the wheels). At first he just attacks, but later he reveals the plot.
Apparently they are Atlanteans and they're back. These xenophobic Atanteans are on a Greenpeace mission to kill everyone (except 1 person) and reclaim all that was theirs. It took 52 minutes to find out what this movie was about, but better late than never. We then get Assault on Drug Store 13. Somehow the Atlanteans kidnap Dr. Rollins and it's up to our wrinkly hero to rescue her. How do we do this ??
Step 1 : Commandeer a bus.
Step 2 : Blow up a helicopter from the bus.
Step 3 : Run over the bad guys.
Step 4 : Commandeer a military helicopter.
Step 5 : Fly to Atlantis.
Step 6 : Rescue (involving lots of killing and puzzle solving)
This movie is predictable, once you figure out what's going on. That is only a matter of time since the plot is quite simple. You can expect the typical B/C grade movie pyrotechnics (feels like we're watching the A-Team or something), point and click gun fights (noone aims), models of vehicles and buildings, and the gratuitous dummy kill (a.k.a. close up kill shot).
All the things I've said should not distract you from this laugh-fest. It is quite enjoyable, when not taken seriously. This is never a problem because everyone involved seems to know what kinda of bucket everyone is standing in and its not full of bananas.
-Celluloid Rehab
