Il cav. Costante Nicosia demoniaco, ovvero: Dracula in Brianza

Lucio Fulci is best known for his gory horror films of the seventies and eighties, but like most Italian directors of that era, he went where the money was, tackling whatever genre was currently in vogue. Dracula in the Provinces is a very silly sex comedy with just a smidge of horror, Lando Buzzanca starring as wealthy toothpaste factory owner Costante Nicosia, whose boorish behaviour sees him cursed by an elderly aunt. When Costante travels to Romania on business, he finds himself invited to the castle of Count Dragulescu (John Steiner) where he spends a night of drunken debauchery. The next morning he wakes up in bed with with the count and consequently believes that he is turning into a homosexual; however, on finding bite marks on his neck, he becomes worried that he is becoming a vampire.

According to IMDb's trivia, Lucio Fulci said Dracula in the Provinces was among his favourite films he directed. Of the thirty-two Fulci films I've seen, this is my LEAST favourite - I don't know whether much of the humour was lost in translation, but I found the film about as funny as a case of botulism. Buzzanca mugs his way through a series of desperately unfunny scenes, including Costante explaining his fears about turning gay to his doctor (Rossano Brazzi), visiting a con-artist wizard (Ciccio Ingrassia) to have the 'evil eye' curse removed, and going to a dominatrix (Moira Orfei). I spent the entire film clock-watching, longing for the whole thing to finish, but like watching a kettle waiting for it to boil, this just prolonged the agony. As bad as some of Fulci's horrors are (Manhattan Baby, Sodoma's Ghost, The Sweet House of Horrors), none of them are as utterly atrocious as this miserable movie. 1/10.