Porky's Academy

Here's a film that you'll only likely encounter if you're trying to work your way through the least appealing films on those Mill Creek box sets. It's a coming-off-age film set in Tel Aviv during the fifties, involving three teenagers (only it turns out they're in their early twenties – how long do people go to school in Isreal?) trying to get a bit while partying and etc.

It's been a few days since I watched this one so naturally I've forgotten all their names, but you've got your main character, Bon Jovi I think his name was, his fat sidekick Van Halen, and fanny rat Dave Lee Roth. After having all their clothes nicked by some Fonz types, Bon Jovi turns up at his home in the buff in front of all his conservative parent's friends, paving the way for a lot of male nakedness in the film.

You see, Bon Jovi is the lovable (you'll hate him) cute one of the trio, and he's trying to get into the pants of a certain lady who looks like Anne Hathaway, only attractive. He does this by stalking her until she gives in, much to the chagrin of Van Halen's girlfriend. Dave Lee Roth on the other hand is just trying to get into the pants of everybody, which leads to much interpersonal drama I'm guessing as I can't feel anything since I did three tours in 'Nam.

So if you want to reminisce about growing up in fifties Tel Aviv like a Glaswegian who grew up in the eighties in Scotland, you can't go wrong by this film. It's got big fat hairy man arses, a scattering of female nudity, a wee bit of how's your father, and much by way of drama and crappy comedy. Who am I talking to? No one's gonna watch this one!