It is difficult to know how to begin to review this hotchpotch of a disaster. This film is from the Ingrid Steeger Collection and is directed by Erwin C. Dietrich who has made a name for himself with these soft core romps. On no account can this offering be considered as one of his better efforts. The plot, what little there is of it, lacks any sort of meaningful direction and in the end goes nowhere, it just stops.
A young d'Artagnan sets off to join the Musketeers and along the way encounters several able and willing beautiful women who cannot wait to teach our would-be warrior how to wield his weapon. From the start, peasant girl Yvonne (Ingid Steeger) has her eye on him and has a couple of romps in the corn field. The three Musketeers also get their share of female flesh with the barmaids and later with the Countess, who does not seem at all put out that they have just killed her husband. Oh well, c'est la vie! The most notable encounter for d'Artagnan is his first time with the voluptuous Gypsy girl who exhibits an exotic sensuality as well as her body. However, despite the willingness of the women to get naked, there is a certain coyness to the nude scenes wherein there are strategically placed blankets or foliage to obscure the nudity.
Although appearing to be shot on location and using stunning panoramic vistas, the whole production smacks of cheapness with goofs galore. The music sounds like a jazzed-up harpsichord and electric organ. The sex action consists of a lot of writhing and bouncing about and looks totally fake. Worst of all, when the Musketeers are supposed to be riding their horses, the background does not move and this same background is used for what are meant to be separate locations. There is more but enough is enough. The film stops dead in its tracks. We see the three Musketeers who are obviously not the actors (they could not get even that right) riding away and the screen goes blank. That's it, no The End, no credits, nothing - dire. Only the women who were willing to give their all are worthy of any credit, they were let down by a crass everyone else. 3 stars.
