Private Specials 104: Ryan Ryder Stud on Tour

Evidently shot for Private Media while on location doing features for the label, Ryan Ryder's inauspicious directing debut is all about Ryan Ryder humping various ladies. So the fans get a glorified feature-length BTS (or BS for short), on a par with so many other clunky Private releases in its declining years as a major international Adult label.

Among the phony utterances is Ryan's stress on talking his old pal Ava Dalush into honoring him with "one last scene" as she's announced her imminent retirement from the porn wars. Problem is that this compilation of scenes was shot from mid-2014 till early 2015 and Ms. Dalush most definitely did not retire or interrupt her busy schedule at all. In fact, by 2016 she was humping Ryan again for Private in the miserable "I Confess" feature.

Similarly trading on the assumed gullibility of the audience is Ryan and his wife Jasmine Jae just happening to spot from their hotel room window Anissa Kate sitting out by the pool. Jae fetches the superstar (and her frequent screen co-star) and inveigles her into a threesome for Ryan's documentary. Yeah right, Anissa just happened to be hanging around, as opposed to the real story of them (or some Private flunky) ringing her agent for the booking.

So it goes with Ryan wasting his and our time with just another pseudo movie derived from the popularity of dreaded Reality-TV as this generation's answer to "get rid of the screen writing profession". RR bumps into my favorite, Stella Cox, accidentally and though she begs off, tired out from shooting an anal sex scene that morning, before you know it she's letting Ryan put his dick into her posterior for history's sake.

Sloppy approach to the project has Ryder with full beard in some scenes and clean shaven elsewhere -obvious evidence that the footage was just slapped together to create another cheap Private title for its release schedule.

All this mechanical nonsense makes suspect the show's big-deal "deflowering" content, which probably was true, but tarnished by the auteur's constant prevarication. He claims to have flown in a civilian named Alondra Torres from London to the set in Barcelona, and they hump on screen as reportedly her "first time" before the XXX camera. She muffs her improv dialog during their interview, so maybe she's a first- timer but she's clearly a local Spanish girl despite Ryan's dumb claim to the contrary.