Tell It Like a Woman

Tell It Like a Woman was the most intriguing film on the Diane Warren nom lost, simply for how utterly mysterious it was. Barely shown for months, almost no information about the shorts that make up the film, it's all a little exciting to watch such an unknown movie in the day and age of the internet. Now I won't be going through each short individually... is what I would say if there was any substantial documentation of them online, but there really isn't. So permit me to indulge myself and give a mini-overview of each short, plot description included because not even Wikipedia has them listed.

Pepcy and Kim

A convict in rehab combats her inner demons in order to overcome her trauma.

This is awful at such fundamental filmmaking levels that it's frankly appalling that it stars and is directed by two extremely famous actresses. The editing and cinematography are amateurish beyond belief, more comparable to a 90s public access show than an actual movie. Not only that, but the plot is so simplistic and yet so padded-out, and this is barely 17 minutes in length.

At first you think it's going to be about her going through rehab, but after she explains her tragic backstory, it suddenly cuts forward to post-rehab. The second half of the short is an almost entirely unrelated story of said convict being taken to a care facility outside of jail whilst her inner conscience fills her with paranoia, culminating in her

Jarringly, the short ends with some text explaining Kim's future, before even more jarringly cutting to footage of the real Kim extolling the virtues of the organization she founded, which just so happens to be the same organization funding the movie (???). I've never seen a movie, short or otherwise, where the twist ending is that it was based on a true story, let alone having the subject come out of nowhere to explain how great their company is.

The real Kim Carter does seem like an inspiring person, and her organization that helps homeless women is noble. She deserved better. We all deserved better.

Rating: 2/10

Elbows Deep

Two healthcare workers help a homeless woman clean up her living space and take of the many layers of clothing she wears.

Another abject failure, made with all the artistry of an 8-year-old's Littlest Pet Shop video. Catherine Hardwicke clearly knows how to leverage a presumably small budget to create a grungy aesthetic based on her movie Thirteen, but instead of this she bafflingly opts to make it look as low-effort as possible.

But a much bigger problem is the total absence of substance. This is the entire short: text gives context to homeless people living in hotels during COVID, two healthcare workers are assigned to clean up a woman, they clean up the woman, story end. No real progression or structure, just a lot of shots of them taking the woman out of her ridiculously elaborate costume (6 layers, at bare minimum). The card at the end discussing the real doctor and how her story inspired the short is unintentionally funny: no duh a person whose job is to help homeless people helped a homeless person once.

I have no idea why they chose to focus on such a random and relatively inconsequential patient check-up. It doesn't work as a slice of her life because there's no attempt to actually capture her experiences beyond the most superficial level. You can't point a camera at actresses reenacting cutting the clothes off a homeless person and call it a short film.

Rating: 2/10

Lagonegro

A working woman comes to terms with having to take in a young girl.

The blandest of the shorts, bar none. I'm writing this right after finishing the movie and I'm struggling to remember what actually happens in it. It's one of the more plot-heavy segments, but all it really amounts to is the basic plot description I gave above. As is not uncommon with this movie, there are some pretty sloppy moments (incredibly bad audio dubbing, stilted dialogue, even a drawing a woman shooting someone else being explained as a drawing of a woman leaving her home behind), but none that actually make it memorable or interesting. Not a whole lot to say with this one, really, just a nothing short.

Rating: 4.5/10

A Week in My Life

A week in the life of a Japanese single mom.

Easily the best short here. It's not overly ambitious, it doesn't reinvent the wheel, but it accomplishes its goal with warmth and artistry. The low-budget-ness is for once used to the short's advantage to give it a really down-to-earth feel, which lends to its authenticity.

It's certainly not perfect-the exact moments shown of her as the week goes on feel arbritrary as opposed to, say, the moments that aren't a part of her typical routine, for starters-but it's far more competent and successful than anything else here. A bit like a less austere Jeanne Dielman.

Rating: 7/10

Unspoken

A veterinarian stays late for her last assignment of the night, but something's off about the patients.

I appreciate the concept of viewing domestic abuse from the perspective of a complete stranger, if for no other reasons than it's not a common plotline, nor is it presented to the audience up-front. With that said, there's almost no nuance to the proceedings whatsoever once it become clear what's going on, and at that point it just goes through the motions of getting the girl safe and the guy arrested. Plus, the whole subplot of missing her daughter's ice-skating video is dropped completely.

With all that said, it's fairly competent on a filmmaking basis, with some solid acting. Rough around the edges but decent for what it is.

Ratings 5.5/10

Sharing a Ride

A plastic surgeon has a chance encounter with a prostitute.

Despite being the most visually appealing and longest short, it's also easily the most confusing and directionless. There are pieces here of a woman learning to care for others and ditch her materialism, but it's an unassembled jigsaw puzzle rather than a coherent plot. Scenes have no purpose, locations and times change abruptly, character motivation is an ancient myth. There's a lengthy abstract song number in the middle that perhaps was intended to represent the main character's journey, but that falls flat given how literal everything else is.

This is the only film to contain "Applause" itself, and it is a surprisingly fitting track for when the protagonist tosses off her expensive symbolic shoes and dances in the rain to let loose for once in her life. But a solid ending doesn't save this.

Rating: 3/10

Aria

An animated segment that follows a grey creature breaking free from its prison of gender roles.

There's some tough competition, but this might actually be the worst short in the whole movie. Putting aside the fact that it's wildly out of place even by the standard of this movie, putting side Ernst the animation is an early-2000s eyesore, the story itself is insanely simplistic and has absolutely nothing to offer. There's "on-the-nose," and then there's having people trapped in a box where they're forced to watch and imitate the stereotypically masculine-feminine actions on their screen.

But even this premise only sustains the movie for around a minute, because once the first grey blob breaks free and sets forth saving everyone, there's no substantial "commentary" left, just that overcoming gender roles set you free (which was already an implied message obvious to anyone over the age of 8).

Rating: 2/10

As a whole, Tell It Like a Woman is somehow even less than the sum of its parts. The shorts have so little in common besides "women" that I have to wonder if most of them were even created for the movie in the first place. There's no justification for shoddily assembled biopics, quiet and reserved examinations of day-to-day life, and a children's cartoon about being yourself all being the same movie. The one short was good, but not nearly good enough to salvage the experience from the other trainwrecks.

"Applause" is plays three times in the movie (the last two are during the credits, one right after another, the very last being a seldom-heard upbeat remix), and as the only thing 99% of people will know this movie for, I like it. "You're a supernova superstar" might be one of the worst lyrics Warren's ever written, but otherwise there's nothing bad in here. The tune's pretty solid, and Carson's voice is really distinct in a way that adds to the song. Not a masterpiece but far better than the movie it's from.

Final score: 28/100.