A French broad living in New York hitches up with a moustached 'erotic artist' (Try saying that with a straight face) to have a baby. Only problem is, she has a face like a slapped a**e and the dude is a complete moron. A trauma in her past leads her to behave oddly in confined spaces, and it all ends in tragedy for Ms Paranio and her walking sperm donor. She confides in a quack occasionally, who also has facial hair in exactly the same pattern. Are we sensing a fetish here?
In this load of old cobblers you have the dubious pleasure of hearing one of the worst songs EVER sung in a nightclub just before our lead has one of her funny turns. Complete with all the usual ninnies dressed up like it was pantomime season dancing around while the camera goes nutso. I mention this because it is the only thing that stands out in a morass of boring conversations and time wasting montages. Forget the sight of the young lady running from a dark stranger on the front of the VHS too.. she is NEVER in danger, and spends most of the film navel-gazing while us at home feel like shaking the neurotic bint until she does something halfway interesting.
Apparently according to the ending credits it is 'based on a true story'. Usually with that kind of statement they elaborate a bit on the details, change some of the events around to make it more exciting to a mainstream audience. In this case, I believe they filmed it EXACTLY as it happened, even down the countless scenes where she sits around in bed or stares into nothing. WHY did we need to have it turned into a movie? There is nothing here whatsoever that warrants it being given a budget and turned into a motion picture. It's hideous.
But if you liked this Mr Film Producer and you happen to be reading, you're going to love this script I've been working on. IT'S BASED ON TRUE EVENTS ALSO. My deal is ten million dollars and 60% of the worldwide gross. Here's a little taste: I was waiting is the bus queue the other day and an old man who was standing behind me dropped his watch. I noticed it was a Rolex and I said to him "Ooh, I've got one of them at home" and he responded by.. Oops, don't want to give too much away. PM if interested, I'm in most evenings if I'm not at the health club. Ciao!! 1/10
