Deep & Wet

Made in New Jersey, Lasse Braun's "Deep & Wet" signals with that dumb, generic title that we're in for gonzo crap, not a real movie this time. It takes place entirely at a house that is a nest of spies, trying to look serious but about as inept as those one might encounter in a Bowery Boys or Abbott & Costello film.

What passes for a plot is portrayed at the beginning of the show, when spy Kirstara Barrington takes cute Ali Moore aside in the house and convinces her to hide stolen microfilm (which KB is planning to hand over to the Russians) in Ali's pussy, wrapped inside of a condom. We watch her do this, and the rest of the movie is just a succession of sex scenes, with some improvised dialogue.

Exception is a particularly oddball scene featuring British porn actress Paula Meadows trying to tutor overage student Rod Retta. This conversation has nothing to do with the movie but is divertingly silly, as Rod complains that dirty words aren't in the dictionary, with teacher Paula responding on the Anglo-Saxon original derivation of these swear words. It's highly educational, not really funny like a classic George Carlin routine but somewhat amusing. Rod requests a demonstration, so she has sex with him.

The spy versus spy action is ridiculous, with mature talent having sex instead of strictly young starlets, as Charlie Latour is especially proficient. Scene structure in the final edition is quite poor, with an early segment of all-American spy played by Joey Silvera angrily having sex with Kristara after searching her, finally finishing about 40 minutes later when he discards her and grabs voyeuse Ali Moore and humps her.

Ending of the movie is insulting and sloppy, as after his money shot, Joey finds the condom hidden in Ali's pussy and doesn't examine it, not finding the so-important microfilm. It's an in-your-face pointing out to the audience that this was just a movie about sex, its "story" of zero interest.