Tarzan the Ape Man

This was an EXTREMELY unimpressive movie marred by, among other things, Tarzan's inability to act. However both Bo Derek and Miles O'Keeffe are EXTREMELY pleasant to look at. So when the movie was over and the end credits rolled, not a soul stirred in a fairly packed cinema, every last person sat bone still and glued to the screen throughout the whole of the end credits.

Now why one might ask would an audience do that for such an unimpressive movie? It's because Bo Derek and Miles O'Keeffe were engaged in passionate lovemaking, stark naked on the beach as a background to the whole of the credits. Most faces were at least slightly red as the lights came on and everyone could be seen as having watched the whole time.

I had to wait till everyone else had left the cinema, as my girlfriend had been wearing a sky blue cotton, skin tight shift that day. The squeal of embarrassment she let out after standing and discovering that a large patch of it had turned dark blue where it had been inconveniently moistened by her arousal, followed by her rapidly diving back into her seat, is to this day one of my favourite memories.

A one star movie is for me a movie that I walk out of. I did not walk out of this one, so that makes it at least a two star. The above however raises it's score to a three star.