"Totally Nude Aerobics" is definitely the most ridiculous film I have ever reviewed here. What can you really say about it?
I'll start with the obvious: the title is definitely not false advertising. All we have here is women, doing aerobics, totally nude.
The IMDB plot description is false advertising, though: there's no "competition" here, and of course, no plot. There's also no dialogue, and the only titles on screen are the beginning and end credits.
It begins with four women in a circle thrusting their bottoms at each other. Then it cuts to one blonde dye-job doing star jumps and running on the spot. Next, two women sitting with their legs spread out facing each other, joining hands and pulling each other in different directions. In this position, you can see that one of the women's labia minora are visible between the outer lips.
The constant movement makes it hard to admire the nakedness on display. Also, the women's hair often gets in the way.
The next scene starts with an extreme close-up of what looks like two women's legs, with their heads occasionally coming into the shot. You're just getting tired of wondering what you're looking at when, mercifully, the camera pulls back and it's actually three women doing some kind of stretch exercise. This is perhaps the most frustrating activity yet for one who wants to admire the ladies' bodies. Hard the see much when they're bent over, but at least the constantly roaming camera moves behind them.
Each segment seems to begin with a close-up of the nude female body mid-exercise, as though willing you to guess what exercise they're doing. I guessed correctly for this next segment: one girl does stomach crunches, while the other one does what looks like repeated upward dogs (from yoga). The upward dog girl is Asian, perhaps the first non-blonde we've seen yet.
Perhaps there is a conscious effort to be tasteful here. The camera keeps moving so as not to focus on the girls' vaginas or anuses. Nor does it zoom in.
Some of the women are beautiful, and despite all the dye on display, are natural beauties, but I was mostly bored by this stuff. At least it only goes for 53 minutes.
Should you watch it? Does this random internet reviewer recommend it to YOU? That question brings me back to the ridiculousness at the centre of this review. You should check it out if you want to see TOTALLY NUDE... AEROBICS. The name basically tells you everything you need to know, thus me writing this was pointless.
There is apparently also a "clothed version", so I can take comfort in the existence of something even more pointless than this review.
