Sexpot

Joe Sarno's track record of bad videos is magnified by SEXPOT, the lousiest yet among the dozens I've watched so far. Even the casting is terrible this time.

Case in point, opening scene has two incredibly untalented (and little-known) performers attempting to spit out dialog -I watched the start three times with no success at fully interpreting their gibberish. As best I could understand, this underwhelming start has Lois Lake (Charlene Cody) agreeing to have sex with visiting Ken Walker (Michael Mann), because the woman he came to see (Jenny) isn't there. That's my conclusion, since Joe is in such a hurry to start their humping he has no time for retakes.

What passes for a plot is delivered in a lengthy voice-over by Tasha Voux, as we watch a random shot of a NYC street. Eugenia Claibourne AKA Jenny Lewis (Brittany Morgan) is about to receive a vast inheritance from her late uncle's estate if she can go for another two weeks (completing a stipulated full year) without having a scandal blared from the pages of the National Inquirer. In typically sloppy fashion, the supermarket checkout counter rag is referred to instead later in the video as "the National Spyglass" just for inconsistency's sake.

Voux hammily portrays Jane Maypole, enlisted by Eugenia to keep her out of trouble, as she suspects she's about to be sold out to the scandal sheet by one of her lovers. The gimmick is that "like a king" of old, Eugenia employs a taste tester, usually Lois but now Jane, as her personal "cock tester". Great idea, Joe.

With her affected vocal delivery, Voux (an erstwhile production assistant on many of these Sarno stinkers, not quite ready for prime time in front of the camera) is never convincing as a spinster turned sexpot.

Ron Jeremy arrives but despite the already established plot premise he is not tested, but shtups Eugenia directly. There is no buildup -Ron plays this film in sort of a daze, not given much written dialog and cracking only a minimum of his usual dumb ad libs, e.g. "I'll make you cock-eyed".

Further sloppiness is evidenced by Ron's second appearance -this time Voux insists on interviewing the "CPA with a large penis". So she humps Ron, including deep throat action, even though Britt has already sampled his wares. Makes no sense whatsoever.

What passes for suspense or humor is Ron's odd aroma, which he describes as a Romanian scent. Voux figures it out - he's not Paul Redman the CPA but instead is Lou Selznick, owner of the P&U kosher deli chain. (Slogan: "He serves up really hot meat".) The aroma is that of pastrami.

Next guy to be tested is Roger Bernard, listlessly played by Damien Cashmere. Again, he humps Britt, bypassing tester Voux. Voux tests Ken Walker (from the opening scene), and reveals him as Sean O'Reilly, reporter for the National Spyglass. More sloppiness: right after announcing his name as O'Reilly, Voux calls him Riley a couple of lines later.

Finale has Sarno giving up on the pretense of film or video technique, as after Voux shows a tape recorder which she used to pointlessly incriminate O'Reilly in some fashion, the two of them go back to humping as if nothing had happened, and the film freeze frames in the midst of their second bout, with zero resolution to anything.

This drivel is merely an excuse to show off Britt in her patented black stockings/garter belt/high heels during sex scenes. Cast is identical to that of the almost-as-bad CRITICAL POSITIONS, with Mann added. He is a terrible performer, with a brief career mixing straight porn with the once-fashionable bisexual genre.

Voux is annoying, while both Cashmere and Jeremy look vaguely embarrassed. For connoisseurs of incompetent acting, look no further than Charlene Cody, whose pauses and inability to recite even the simplest of lines could be legendary if anybody ever sat through garbage like this.

As a pop quiz: who can identify the cheap decoration of the solitary bedroom set used here, with its 3 woven vertical "pots" -perhaps of African origin? My bet is on CRITICAL POSITIONS, only because the videos were shot back-to-back.