Cirque du Freak: L'assistant du vampire

"Cirque du Freak" is one of dozens of versions of the vampire tale, and it's not that good. The way it began I thought it would be a comedy, especially with John C. Reilly being in it. It turns out this movie fancied itself as a suspense thriller.

The Cirque du Freak referenced in the title was as the title states: a circus of freaks. They were more than just siamese twins and a bearded lady (though Salma Hayak played the most gorgeous bearded lady you'll ever see), they had a woman who could chew through metal (Kristen Schaal), a man with two stomachs (Frankie Faison), a woman who could regrow her limbs (Jane Krakowski), and a man with no midsection (Orlando Jones). More importantly there was Larsten Crepsley (John C. Reilly), the vampire.

Two best friends who could not have been more dissimilar, Steve (Josh Hutcherson) and Darren (Chris Massoglia), visited the Cirque du Freak. Steve, the angry, destructive, loner, requested to be made into a vampire while Darren didn't. Well, Darren became a vampire and Steve became a vampanese. What I gathered is that a vampanese is just a vampire that kills. The vampanese and vampires are mortal enemies which means that Steve and Darren would also become enemies. It was a setup that was all too obvious. What wasn't obvious was why the two boys were ever friends to begin with? Steve turned on his "best friend" very quickly and with little thought. Steve was inexplicably angry, distrustful, and violent. Maybe he had no concept of what "friend" meant, but we'll never know.

I didn't expect too much from this movie, but I also didn't expect Chris Massoglia to be another Hayden Christensen. His whiny monotone voice and blank unmoving face didn't make for an enjoyable watch. As the star of this movie he single handedly made the movie worse.