Poolside Chats with Neil Hamburger

America's favorite funnyman is now america's favorite talk show host! If you're tired of the filth and the slime that you usually see on popular talk shows, take a bite of fresh hamburger and taste the difference for yourself.

Neil's upbeat, "always look on the bright side" attitude is the balm we, as a nation, need to heal our seeping, disgusting wounds and finally get some sunlight into the musty, rat-infested basement that hollyWEIRD has become. Wake up and smell the future, because the future is now, and the future is hamburger.

Neil tackles the tough issues with his trademark wit and impeccable style, spreading his celebrity guests' minds like the open books that they truly deserve to be. The greatest figures of the entertainment industry open their hearts to the "little comedian that could", resulting in what most critics agree is the finest hour of television produced between 1969 and 2014.

Take a page out of neil hamburger's book and try a little POSITIVITY! Or are you just another sleazy, snivelling coward like the rest of the FILTH that populates this once great nation? Will you live up to the dream that gerald r ford had for you, or will you ooze back into the SLIME HOLE that you came from?

Everyone, write your congressman and DEMAND a second season of 'poolside chats with neil hamburger', if not for yourself then for your children. God bless america and god bless neil hamburger.