Sex in the Bag

Keith Erickson hams it up miserably in the pointlessly titled SEX IN THE BAG, a boring charade taking a vaudeville sketch premise and stretching it clumsily to an hour's running time. I'm reviewing the haphazardly edited Something Weird reissue on Vol. 47 of its Dragon Art Theatre series, and hope to someday compare with a newer Alpha Blue Archives edition.

Erickson is Dr. Johnson, a shrink treating women with sexual problems. This being porn, his treatment consists of having sex with them. Lame premise has two old buddies, Tom and Henry, arriving to take him to lunch, but "forced" to wait while he has sex with his anxious patients. To keep them amused, Erickson has them watch voyeuristically through what he calls a "one-way mirror" (I prefer the 2-way designation, since a garden variety mirror is "one-way", but okay), though the film's very fake looking sets representing doc's offices don't include this prop.

In the SWV DVD-R there are at least two scenes missing, the opening (video starts at the end of the scene, cheating the viewer of any sex footage involving the most beautiful cast member) and a second vignette that the three guys comment on, but is not included. Ubiquitous porn thesp Adam Ward gets to sub for Erickson in a couple of sex scenes, probably because this junker was shot on a tight (read: 1-day) schedule and Keith couldn't get it up over & over, but curiously his partner in crime Billy Lane never gets any -relegated to 100% voyeur status. There should have been a porn union to protect his interests.

Iterative structure ("next patient, please!") reduces the film to string-of-loops status, punctuated by Erickson's annoying gibberish. He reads some lengthy dialog from a page sitting on his desk at one point, but most of the time lamely lampoons the "dirty talk" of porn scenes. The moron who touts these films on the back of the SWV DVD-R boxes thought this was hilarious, but Erickson's attempts at humor are as tiresome as the similarly inane ramblings of a Marc Stevens.

Candy Samples fans get to see her, in a hideous wig, briefly have sex with Erickson after insisting that her 16-year-old virgin daughter Nancy Martin to be deflowered by the doc (who substitutes Ward with no objection from the absent-minded mom). Another fave, Orita De Chadwick, suffers through a tedious s&m bout with her boyfriend's belt.

Besides the Beatles tunes listed in IMDb, film dredges up "Wichita Lineman" and Paul Simon's "America" as well, but the highlight is a very lengthy cover version of "Green Onions" that kept me awake. Film's low point is an unidentified actress playing patient Tina, who gives Ward a 13-minute fellatio treatment that is so mechanical you are challenged to sit through it. Even in modern all-sex, non-story videos, I can't recall such a lengthy b.j. without switching to another position just for variety's sake.

Anonymous director asserts a modicum of style by photographing the ejaculations in slo-mo, stylizing the required money shots artistically as abstract fountains of liquid droplets in the air.