Eternal Desire

Joe D'Amato decided to spoof HIGHLANDER as one of his hardcore porn video projects of the '90s, but failed to put his heart into the exercise. It's a shame, because he rounded up a decent cast.

Lea Martini, Philippe Dean and Anita Blond are all immortals, called to a distant planet by a dwarf-sorcerer who iteratively reads them the riot act over the course of the video. Extremely sloppy English dubbing renders the wizened little guy's idiotic gibberish unintelligible. Sample line from him: "Orgasm is beautiful!".

Basically this overlong (106 minutes) farrago is about the choice between immortality and living on Earth as a normal mortal -not very interesting. We see the leads reappearing on Earth, doing some poorly directed sword fighting when they're not humping away like rabbits, but none of it is intended to make any sense. Calling it "filler" would constitute too high a praise for Joe's non-achievement.

The only amusing segment was when Dean is dubbed with a cute Scottish accent, suggesting the Saturday Night Live "Jeopardy" skits starring a fake Sean Connery. Other than that, any HIGHLANDER fan will likely snooze through this baby.

The beautiful D'Amato regular Erica Bella has a diverting sex scene on a spiral staircase, but generally the shot-on-video feature is boring visually and has meager special effects.

The dumb copy on the back of the DVD box written as usual by a non-English speaker sums it up (unintentionally) with aplomb: "A film that will remain in the anals of the cinema for eternity". (Sic) Transit Gloria!