Hellgate(1989) Director: William A. Levey
***out*****
Review
I seem to have to always justify my reasons to people as to how I can watch, buy, and even spend endless hours seeking the most wretchedly awful movies known to man. With eBay receipts reaching the hundreds, I confess I am guilty of that enjoyment. I also Confess that this world we live in doesn't let you choose your daily outcomes, and any honest person will admit that some of those outcomes can leaving feeling depressed, stressed, mad, bored, what have you. After watching some of these movies when in Those emotions, it's very hard to find myself not laughing.
How anybody could take the world and its petty problems serious after viewing a flick Like this seem to be as alien to me as I to them. Sure, there are obnoxiously bad movies That do nothing bet aggravate the senses, those movies reach the pits of banality and surly wont help with anyone's all ready shaky mentality. Then we have the obscure flicks That goes beyond the pits of movie making and seems to reach a point that deserves its own plateau. At the start of this movie ominous music plays, lightning crashes, and we are introduced to 2 females and 1 male all telling ghost stories. The ages of these people is never declared, although at one point a university is mentioned so for the movies sake, instead of 35ish (which indeed they appear to be), we'll call them 20somethings. They Are waiting for another friend, to kill time one female decides to tell of the urban legend of the old ghost town up the road. It seems in the fifties a biker gang kidnapped and killed The mayor or something of the town's daughter, and the mayor vows revenge, and wouldn't you have the mayor (or something) finds a blue crystal which can reanimate the Dead with its fantastical Tron like blue beam that it shoots itself from. We know this from a scene involving a goldfish and a sea turtle (which bites the mayor's face). Well Anyways, it appears the legend is really true and the ghost of the girl (with quite the rack) haunts the roads of the South African outback (although the movie says it's set in California) seeking revenge against the gang who killed her, and strangers in general I Guess. Well the guest drives by her, enters the town, and is seduced by ghoul girl, Revengeful mayor finds out, declares death, guest dude runs away, seeks his friends, And declares to save ghoul girl, which leads the 20somethings to the ghost town, only To fall prey to zombies, slashers, constant one liners, and the suspense of watching a snail move.
I feel compelled by the approach to this material. Is it satire? Black Comedy? An honest approach to horror? Because of this uncertain demeanor the movie Has a certain trashy charm. The writer seems to be inspired by sitcoms or something as the screenplay has these "witty" lines that think this is Seinfeld or something. During the most suspenseful of scenes the characters have no problem taking a break to make a joke. Also the laws of movie logic are also at best, helter skelter. Not only do characters have Scotty beaming them, we also have scenes of zombies or something prowling the town, but it seems the director didn't tell them their purpose as they seem to walk about, stare at the camera and then- that's it! We also have ghoul girl laying in a bed which would seem to be the entire half while enchanting "Matt, Darlin Matt" while her bosom camera mugs. Also the movie breaks the rule of every character having a purpose. Who is the man burning at the end? Why would the mayor (or something) bring back the ghost of the biker gang who started everything in the first place? Is the black waitress a subtle clue to indicate our society's acceptance of BLACK culture (as the fifties flashback indeed shows as an all white establishment) Where exactly do all the "diners" occupants live? And so forth, the movie is so obscure I found myself thinking, thinking, THINKING of all the answers.
The movie has some funny scenes to be sure. Also what is with the director himself? He has a cameo as a head in a fridge, and seems to have a grasp on making banal Indeed banal. Take two murder scenes, one dude has his head chopped off and the body running down the road, or a female, after watching the beheading screams and then calmly sits in a saloon smoking & drinking, while ghost cabaret dancers dance a way, she is then strangled while blood spurts, in the most tackiness of slow motion. They ghost's motivations are a little shaky: Are they all bad? Why some only human while others are rotting? What about the reanimated bat on a string? The box cover has the toggling "From the SFX people who did Hellraiser 1&2", perhaps they quit after day 1 of shooting.
And so forth.
There are plenty of bad movies, even movies that are considered "good", this one seems to go beyond the realms of bad film-making, it's so abysmal that it really made my day, and that's all that should matter right? Enjoy.
