Un millón de años A.C.

Watching 1970s TV screenings of 'One Million Years BC', the Connery Bond movies, the original 'Planet Of The Apes' and 'The Omega Man' made an enormous impact on my childhood that I don't think I've ever truly recovered from! Looking at it now as an adult you can see how laughably stupid it all is, but you can't help but still love it! The vision of Raquel Welch in her animal skin bikini nearly brought puberty on five years early for me. She's still a sight to see but the charms of Martine Beswick ('Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde', 'A Bullet For The General') are now more to my taste. She's sensational!

The plot, such that it is, concerns Tumak (John Richardson of 'She'), one of the "rock people" who look like spaghetti western refugees and like nothing better than grunting, wearing fur, and beating the crap out of each other. Tumak falls out with his old man and brother, is banished and after some aimless wandering around avoiding dinosaurs (and in one surreal moment a giant tarantula!), he stumbles across the hitherto unknown "shell people". They are blonde surfer types who introduce him to such innovations as improved spears, hot water, painting, crying and feminism. And also to the babelicious Loana (Welch) who takes a shine to him. Tumak still has "attitude problems" and ends up getting banished from their tribe too, but with Loana and a new and improved spear what more can the guy want? Of course he heads straight back to his homies and yes, there's trouble ahead including fraternal friction, a jealous ex (Nupondi, the stunning Beswick), lots of Harryhausen dinosaurs, and exploding volcanos. Does mindless entertainment get any better than this? Hardly ever. Add a cool score from Mario Nascimbene and what you have is a classic piece of unforgettably trashy exploitation.