Timeless

I am a fan of nostalgia porn, with many examples of standouts such as Red Ezra's classic "Hearts and Minds". But Kelly Holland aka Toni English stumbles with "Timeless", a well-crafted but deadly dull Penthouse video.

The difficulty with this genre is a natural tendency to drift away into such mellow, languorous visuals that the effect is soporific. Dreamy is one thing, but lulling the viewer to sleep is another.

At least two reels too long (compared to the typical Penthouse release), this 6-vignette offering has an extraneous and confusing wrap-around concept of Neveah in a supposedly post-Apocalyptic landscape (looks like a poorly dressed auto junkyard set) with a hokey touch of an over-sized white lab rat running around in the foreground each time we return to see her writing in her journal about the end of the world.

Our civilization's demise is vaguely blamed on germs and "bad science" but this tacked-on footage is worthless and annoying. What we get as the main XXX content is painstakingly re-created period pieces, several of them presented in black & white, of earlier eras like the 1890s and the Roaring 20s. First such vignette concerns Jay Lassiter as Jack the Ripper, having sex with Vanessa Lane in a surprisingly non-violent depiction of the legendary murderer.

There's a very convincing simulation of a silent movie, which plays like a vintage stag film given the content but is quite lovely in low-contrast black & white. The following '20s speakeasy segment is in color, with Marcus London banging away at big-breasted Devon Lee. The BTS shows that the bartender in this scene is played by a production assistant, but as usual he goes uncredited.

So it goes, until the finale pairs host of the video Neveah with a lesbian played by Kelle Marie, arriving on a motorbike. Their Sapphic love scene draws the curtain on the dull affair, and again the BTS informed me of a very confusing switcheroo (I still haven't sorted it out to my own satisfaction) in which it seems that Kelle has dubbed the voice of our hostess/narrator Neveah -obvious when we listen to the Welsh accent of Kelle in her postscript interview. This role-reversal of the two fairly obscure actresses is as meaningless as the entire "timeless" porn exercise, misjudged as to the yawn factor of each and every MOS vignette.