Model Time 5

Adult Time, an ambitious new internet supplier of lots of porn content ranging from forgotten Vivid Video (RIP) material to a deep array of Bree Mills stuff, has only been around since mid-2019 but has already released a ton of episodes of "Model Time" (generating a dozen different full-length DVD compilations), a cheap-jack outlet for amateur-night sex scenes created by the humble actresses and actors who work in Adult Entertainment plus some actual amateurs.

This fifth edition contains the usual filler: masturbation by Britney Amber role-playing as a fetish maid; an unattractive webgirl having sex with an unattractive trans-female, and a nothing lesbian scene.

But the piece de resistance titled "Les Pornos des Puppets" is an unbearable indulgence by Tommy Pistol as star and director, proving once again why he is the worst porn performer of the modern era.

It's yet another Covid-19 themed porno, utter dreck that will surely amaze future generations on the level of "why did they make that junk?", instantly dated. Starting with a worried phone call from his doting mom, Tommy gets a puppet delivered and we're stuck watching an attempt at puppet porn, a genre that began and should have ended 45 years earlier with Gerard Damiano's goofy "Let My Puppets Come".

We suffer through Pistol's inimitable overacting and he even manages to throw in a reprise of his Pee Wee Herman vocal imitation in the mouth of one of the horny puppets. Unfunny drivel leads to a desultory climax mocking that Pandemic we lived through last year, as an untalented and, alas, unattractive leading lady Faye DoneAway (who co-directed) shows up as Tommy's date wearing a yellow hazmat suit suitable for the PPE.

Of course, much of that protection gets removed and we're treated to her mechanically humped by over-the-hill unattractive Tommy. It can't be called entertainment, but is more credibly the porno equivalent of one of those many Saturday Night Live sketches that turns out to be a dumb idea endlessly stretched out to fill the space between two commercials. In short, strictly filler. Having sat through a cross-section of Adult Time product, filler best describes what this hyped service platform is all about.