Crab Goalkeeper is so stupid and so brilliant at the same time. Much of it appeals to my exact sense of humour. It's another Minoru Kawasaki film I sort of loved, and really got on board with, even though a lot of people would see it and call it terrible. And maybe it is, but it's also just so funny I can't help liking it.
It's about a young boy befriending a giant crab. He teaches it how to speak fluently within days (before his parents even find out he has it), but he somehow gives it the verbal tic of it saying "crab" (or "kani") at the end of just about every sentence.
The crab gets mixed up in a whole bunch of stuff. He can only awkwardly run/shuffle sideways wherever he goes, which never stopped being funny. It'll just cut to a wide shot of a street sometimes and it'll show the crab clumsily running sideways down it for a good minute. It's funny every time.
There's one part where the crab needs a job. The boy's father suggests being a barkeep is the only thing the crab could do better than anyone else. The crab was never established as having super speed, but when he's behind the bar he can zip around at lightning speed. He can also prepare drinks very fast. It's not clear how he can do this behind a bar. This is what gets him noticed by someone whose soccer/football team needs a goalkeeper. Then the second half of the movie becomes more of a sports film.
It's dumb and so much fun. The absurdity is just at the right pitch, and that keeps it mostly funny throughout. It's just what I wanted out of a movie called Crab Goalkeeper.
