Private Stories 10: Timber Orgy

"Where's the beef?" is the logical outcry after watching the 10th volume of this Private Media series of short subjects, an Adult genre I am constantly drawn to but rarely with such meager results. The six shorts amount to nothing individually and collectively, with the one titled "Timber Orgy" afforded title status in IMDb nothing special either.

Shot in Hungary in 1996, "TO" is merely Jean-Yves Castel watching four girls do lesbo stuff in a small bed, and then joining them for a brief reverse gang-bang. Yawn.

Other clunkers included are three made in Sweden, apparently still Private's home base when this was shot: "Cave", a poorly credited foursome taking place in a low-ceilinged stucco room which apparently looks cave-like, as Mike Foster and Nick Lang hump Katalin and an unnamed other girl; Katalin returns in "The Winter Cabin", having sex with Nick Lange and (Ms.) Tunde, candle-lit -Mr. James Waters traveled from Chatsworth to direct these two; and "Deep Wood", Riny humping Nikki on a picnic near a forest, I guess justifying the title which I otherwise took to be a bad pun.

France is the site for the lengthiest vignette titled "The Producers", namely Francesco Malcom and John Walton posing as film producers to audition clueless Andrea and Maria Bellucci, in order to treat at least Andrea to a d.p. This skit features among the corniest of all porn switcheroo endings, telegraphed a mile away.

"Wet in Cannes", misspelled "Canne" on screen, takes us to the tourist location famed for its off-season film fest, as beautiful Hannah Turlington, no relation to the supermodel, gets 3-way action near the beach from Vitaly and Frank Versace, no relation to... well, you get the picture. Hannah is pretty but she had better trim or shave her full bush if she wants to get into the modeling game.