Hey, calling Ed Wood...betcha you're turning in your fluoro-green plastic coffin wishing to hell you'd had the chance to make this automatic entrant into moviedom's Hall of Shame file.
As many others have observed, how in the name of all things cretinous, did this Z-grade apology for a home-movie ever get funding, let alone a release? Only the least discriminating video distributor would even take a chance on half a dozen copies!
"Starring" Patrick Bergin? he doesn't even appear until basically half way through the movie...by which time no-one's watching it anyway! Few would even recognise him. It is my own personal theory that in fact he phoned-in the role using international web-cam hook ups. Hard to remember that once he could act (almost)..SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY, ROBIN HOOD etc. Maybe the experience of appearing in HIGHWAY TO HELL robbed him of any last shred of self esteem?
Vernon Wells? Yeah, well who could forget Vernon's big moment - the mohawked bikie Wes, in MAD MAX 2: THE ROAD WARRIOR. Course, his career was shot soon after with the role of mega-moron, if not brain-dead Bennett, in COMMANDO!
Last but not least, Lysette Anthony as the awesomely hyperactive TV producer Elizabeth. Embarrassingly overacting and doubtless aware she'll probably be relegated to the "X" grade actors list after this (as well as the recent laughable TALU THE MUMMY), its sad to remember her as Princess Lyssa, cute little breasts heaving passionately in KRULL. Absolute proof that once she had both appeal and acting ability! Not easy to convince an audience you've actually GOT the hots for mega-acting-wuss Ken Marshall whose star faded before it even glowed.
Now, no review of this insightful and multi-layered film-experience would be complete without at least a passing tribute to the special effects "team"....most likely an unemployed Uni-student down on his luck, and working from out of the trunk of his car. Nessie, himself (Ok "herself" maybe - lets keep this politically correct!) appears at least eight times - precisely the same frames - just tinted slightly differently. Any year seven student could give this thing a run for its money with the simplest animation software. Nessie's big moment...where it rears out of the water supposedly (its so quick you can't see anything) to crush a few tourists, is so laughably executed and digitised, the scale used would suggest the creature was considerably bigger than the aircraft carrier NIMITZ!
The closest they come to "location shooting" is a few back-shots and for trivia buffs looking to vote on the topic "The worst attempted accents in a movie"...this flick must be high on their wish-list. Love the train-station sequence (the Producer and production crew must have been holding the cardboard cut outs up).
Even glossing over all that precedes, the one question remains - WHY did they make this film. It has no point, no logic, no conclusion and offers nothing which might vaguely be construed as entertainment.
