Schwestern und weitere Unbekannte

Movies this bad don't ever get ratings of 1. No, that hallowed number is reserved for films so unimaginably bad they can never actually be made without spoiling the fun of playing the movie game called next-they'll-have-the-characters-do-this!

One qualifying scene in this clunker, reminiscent of Steven Seagal's awful "On Deadly Ground" and its dalliances with Native American mystique and visions of talking dead people, is when Steven Bauer and Joanna Kerns inexplicably kiss in the cave. Absolutely nothing leading up to that scene made the kiss believable, except perhaps to the director, whose resume shows he has not made it past TV movies. If he ever wants to, it won't help to tout this effort.

It's all part of a movie that jumps from one contrived, rushed and clichéd scene to another, carrying groan-inducing dialogue stiffly spoken by second-rate actors.

Prediction: this clunker will one day make Mystery Science Theatre 3000.