Having read of this film and its charms in such reputable genre magazines as "Rue Morgue" and "Fangoria" over the past eight years or so, I finally got around to viewing "Shatter Dead" in its newly released DVD format. That said, I find myself shaking my head (and just shaking in general) as to how anyone with an IQ higher than that of the most scholarly of algae could summon up anything positive to say about this terrible waste of time and money. While the premise of having the living dead trying to live amongst us is an intriguing one to this long-time viewer of hardcore porn, (Oops! Did I say hardcore porn? Sorry, I meant to say zombie movies.) there is nothing at all intriguing about watching a lousy student film (which is to say, a student film) shot directly to video, starring said student's film school chums running around backyards and stripmalls with the same blatantly latex makeup jobs as if they'd all consumed cases of Schlitz Malt Liquor with Vicatin chasers. Much more interesting would be a film about a pencil factory where the evil CEO falls into the grinding machine and his soul comes to inhabit millions of number two pencils the world over. Mankind, armed only with his own moxie and a few good pencil sharpeners, in the end are no match for this fiendish plot, and soon succumb to the heathen pleasures of permanent and non-permanent inks. I call it, "Get the Lead Out!", and while it may not exactly be coming to a theater near you anytime soon, when it does, you will find it a much more harrowing experience than say, "Shatter Dead", and you will believe (!!!), or, at the very least, you'll think twice before chomping on our bright yellow friends. As I close, I am reminded again of this kindergarden klownfest's declaration that "God Hates You!". Well, duhh! Tell me something I don't know! Of course God hates me. He told me to watch "Shatter Dead".
