Jackie O'Hara: So... Teddy fuckin' Timmons, huh? I heard you were back.
Teddy: Yeah.
Jackie O'Hara: You don't call me!
Teddy: Well, no, you see, Jackie, I-I just got back...
Jackie O'Hara: -What are you boys drinkin'? Hey, Shang, get a round in here will you?
Shang: [calls out] Sure, Jack.
Jackie O'Hara: Fuckin' Celtics, huh?
Teddy: I-I-I g-guess you've been hearin' stories about me, huh, Jackie?
Jackie O'Hara: I heard you was back was all.
Teddy: Well, let me tell ya. This is fuckin' hilarious, you're gunna piss your pants. Remember that Perez, that fuckin' spic from Dorchester? Remember him?
Jackie O'Hara: What, the little guy?
Teddy: R-remember you sent me and Gavin down to talk to him? Gavvy, you remember that?
Gavin: [nods] Sure, I remember that.
Teddy: So about a month ago these F.B.I. guys come to talk to me in the joint. And, I don't even talk to regular cops, ever, you know? Like when they came to me after I got busted for all that coke... And they said 'Jackie O' and I said 'I know the guy, but I don't work for anyone'.
Jackie O'Hara: Hey, thanks for that by the way.
Teddy: That's no problem, Jackie. So, these F.B.I. guys want to know about Perez 'cause they're building a case against him, right? You're going to love this. I say, 'You mean Junior Perez of Columbia Avenue in Dorchester, about five-two, got a fat-assed girlfriend that looks like a fuckin' pitbull?' They said yeah, and I said 'No, never heard of the guy'.
[everyone laughs]
Teddy: Right? So now they roll up their sleeves. They're not going nowhere. And I sit there for three hours, fuckin' sweatin', shakin'. I almost start cryin'. It's like fuckin' Academy Award time. Finally I break down. And you know, I tell 'em the truth. I-I'm like George fuckin' Washington, I cannot tell a lie. 'I know Perez, and I used to work for him.'. I-I give 'em Perez, that fat fuckin' Columbian prick Menendez, locations, everything. And then they come back to me, and they want me to testify. It's like Witness Protection bullshit, and i'm like, 'Fuck you. I'm not going into any Witness Protection bullshit fuckin' plan. Fuck that! We made a deal!'. So now this lawyer they gave me is all over 'em. I'm not even safe in the joint with the witness protection and shit, and they got no choice! They gotta let me go.
Jackie O'Hara: [pause, everyone looks at each other] Fuck! Can you believe that? Fuck!
Teddy: Yeah, I tell ya it was a fuckin' nightmare. Never trust those Feds, man, they fuckin' lie. I'm lucky to be here.
Jackie O'Hara: Yeah, fuckin' Feds. Cocksuckers, huh?
Red: Pricks.
Jackie O'Hara: They're in Boston looking for Puerto Ricans. In Washington they're stealing us blind!
Red: Absolutely right.
Jackie O'Hara: Hey, here's to Teddy.
[raises glass]
Jackie O'Hara: Welcome home!
[all toasting, shouting]
Jackie O'Hara: When the cops gonna learn, huh? This town don't talk. Especially this kid right here.
[points and playfully slaps Seamus]
Jackie O'Hara: A fuckin' chatterbox, the gift of gab, huh?
[everyone laughs]
Jackie O'Hara: Hey guys I gotta go. Katy's mother's cookin' dinner. Anyone got any rolaids?
[laughing]
Teddy: Hey, hey, Jackie, uh, we're cool, right?
Jackie O'Hara: Sure, sure, hey. Give me a call on the weekend. We got some work.
