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    Stay Calm and Content: No Matter What Life Throws at You
    Stay Calm and Content: No Matter What Life Throws at You
    Stay Calm and Content: No Matter What Life Throws at You
    Ebook156 pages2 hours

    Stay Calm and Content: No Matter What Life Throws at You

    By Cat Williams

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    About this ebook

    Are you sometimes stressed, anxious, or emotional?
    Do you ever feel something is missing, even when you think you should be happy?
    Are there people with whom you dont get on well but wish you did?
    Have you ever wondered why you behave a certain way, do or dont do certain things, or have done something you now regret?

    This is not a typical self-help book, because self-help books are usually read by people who think they have a problem to solve. This book is for everyone. Using straightforward jargon-free language it discusses many of the difficult issues of life, most of which are likely to affect us or someone we know at one time or another. It includes short discussions of stress, relationships, love affairs, work, parenting, sibling rivalry, motherhood, divorce, weddings, Christmas, teenagers, arguments, criticism, depression, communication, childhood, bullying, chronic pain, self-harm, addiction, suicide, bereavement, kindness, abuse, the battle of the sexes and more.
    People who can stay calm and content no matter what life throws at them all have similar thoughts and attributes which can be learnt by anyone. The central theme of this book is self-esteem and how it is affected every day by our circumstances and the people we come across. We are usually unaware that it is our self-esteem that drives our emotions, thoughts, and actions.
    The authors clients suggested this book be written so anyone could learn how to stay calm and content no matter what life throws at them. Personal stories highlight how you can control or change how you feel about yourself, and how you can positively influence your life and the lives of everyone around you.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAuthorHouse UK
    Release dateOct 12, 2012
    ISBN9781477234884
    Stay Calm and Content: No Matter What Life Throws at You
    Author

    Cat Williams

    CAT WILLIAMS is a relationship counsellor who qualified with the renowned UK relationship charity, Relate, in 2007. She has a BSc (Hons) in Physiotherapy from Kings College London and is a British army wife and mother of two. She has lived in many different locations and has had the pleasure and privilege of talking to hundreds of people about their common but difficult issues, and of helping those people come through them as calmly and contentedly as possible. www.staycalmandcontent.com @catstaycalm

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    • 5/5
      Sometimes some of the most profound truths are the simplest and this book certainly falls within that category. "I think I am coming to the conclusion that there is only one problem - and it's one that almost everyone shares: low self-esteem." The author begins with this quote from Gael Lindenfield's book, "Self-Esteem" and builds on it to show how having low self-esteem can affect us, our work and all our relationships. Encouraged by her clients to write down the wisdom she imparted in their counselling sessions, they could obviously see that a wider audience could also benefit. Interspersed with client case histories, we get a greater understanding of what issues others are dealing with and how they have coped, which I found to be very inspirational.

    Book preview

    Stay Calm and Content - Cat Williams

    © 2012 by Cat Williams. All rights reserved.

    No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

    Published by AuthorHouse  07/02/2018

    ISBN: 978-1-4772-3487-7 (sc)

    ISBN: 978-1-4772-3488-4 (e)

    Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

    and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

    Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

    Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

    Contents

    Foreword To The Second Edition:

    Introduction

    How it began . . .

    Staying calm and content is about self-esteem.

    Positive self-esteem

    Our self-esteem is controlled by our brains.

    Self-Esteem Awareness And Improvement

    Your ‘Self-esteem Timeline’

    The whole you: Your ‘Self-esteem pie’

    Make changes to your ‘pie’.

    You are wonderful just as you are, and you always have been.

    Instant self-esteem

    What negatively affects your self-esteem?

    What is really going on?

    Self-esteem in pictures

    1)   ‘Fit your own oxygen mask before helping others.’

    2)   A tree

    3)   A boat

    Use your imagination.

    Treat others as you wish to be treated.

    Internal Counsellor

    First thing in the morning, last thing at night, and everything in between.

    Changing Ourselves

    Get help

    Criticism

    Childhood

    Communication, Arguments And Battles Of The Sexes

    Happy Relationships

    Love Is Not Abusive

    Family Relationships—Labels And Expectations

    Christmas, Weddings, And Other Family Occasions

    Motherhood

    Parenting

    Affairs

    Divorce

    Bereavement

    Work

    Bullying

    Money

    Stress And Depression

    Illness And Chronic Pain

    Habits And Addictions

    Teenagers

    Self-Harm And Suicide

    Social Networking

    Retirement

    Spirituality, Religion, And Silence

    Mindfulness

    Nature Or Nurture

    The Meaning Of Life

    Kindness And The Big Society

    Dedication

    Final Words

    FOREWORD TO THE SECOND EDITION:

    I am sure many of you have seen the iconic British ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ image which inspired the cover for this book. The original poster would have been displayed around the streets of the United Kingdom if the Nazis had managed to invade the British Isles during World War II. It was never put on public display but was found several decades later and has since been printed on merchandise and become recognised the world over.

    I had a ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ poster on my kitchen wall as I began to write this book during the winter of 2011 / 2012. My husband, a British Army Officer, was fighting on the front-line in Afghanistan. I was living amongst inspirational fellow Army wives, and working with awe-inspiring clients who were facing some of the greatest challenges of their lives. I was asking myself What is the secret of keeping calm and carrying on no matter what our circumstances? Can we all learn to do it?

    I began to research the secrets of staying calm. I shared them with my clients, and as they in turn shared their inspirational stories with me, this book became the result.

    As I write this forward to the second edition I am thankful for how far this book has brought me. I have been featured on nationwide television and radio shows and in newspapers and magazines, as well as recording a TEDx talk entitled ‘Toilet Seat Therapy – what to do when you don’t know what to do’ which is on YouTube.

    I continue my work as a relationship counsellor and give talks, presentations and workshops around the UK on the principles of resilience, emotional well-being and healthy relationships. I am thankful to all the individuals, schools and workplaces who have provided me with these opportunities to make a difference.

    I hope you enjoy the book and I’d love to hear from you.

    Best wishes, Cat.

    www.staycalmandcontent.com

    Blog – Interviews – Articles – Testimonials

    Workshops - Presentations - Videos

    Facebook: Stay Calm and Content

    Twitter: @catstaycalm

    YouTube: Stay Calm and Content

    INTRODUCTION

    If you picked up this book hoping for a straightforward way to feel happier and to get on better with the people in your life, then I believe you have found what you are looking for.

    This book began as an approach I used during counselling sessions. Some of my clients encouraged me to publish my thoughts and ideas so other people might benefit from them. For reasons of confidentiality the stories in this book are fictional, but the positive changes that occur in the stories are similar to changes that have actually happened. An acquaintance who confided in me once said,

    ‘Now that I understand myself better and have learnt how to feel okay no matter what, I have naturally become much calmer, and I make much better choices about how I react to stressful or difficult situations. The challenges that I still face on a daily basis sort themselves out much more quickly, now that I understand what generates my emotions, and therefore how I can manage them better. I have stopped making things worse by getting overly stressed, anxious, or annoyed at myself, or other people. I am much more content with life and feel much happier.’

    Is there someone with whom you don’t have a great relationship? You argue, don’t speak much at all, or don’t feel good in his or her company? I believe that person affects your self-esteem and that you could be affecting his or hers.

    How it began . . .

    I chose a book from our work library to help me with a particular client who had low self-esteem. The book’s introduction described how people attend self-help groups for a variety of problems: depression, anxiety, obsession, alcoholism, eating problems, and so on. However, one line struck me as particularly important: ‘I think I am coming to the conclusion that there is only one problem—and it’s one that almost everyone shares: LOW SELF-ESTEEM’ (Gael Lindenfield, Self-Esteem).

    I thought about this line and about the vast spectrum of human experiences and challenges we might face, and I found myself agreeing that feelings of low self-esteem are not just experienced by some people, but that we can all feel low self-esteem at certain times, and we describe this in terms of negative emotions, such as stress, anxiety, anger, fear, jealousy, and so on.

    Nathanial Branden described self-esteem as ‘the sum of self-confidence (a feeling of personal capacity) and self-respect (a feeling of personal worth)’.

    There are several definitions of self-esteem, but for the purpose of this book, I think that describing is as a combination of self-worth, self-respect, and self-confidence is the best definition. I feel that using the term ‘self-esteem’ is the most straightforward way to try to explain what makes us all ‘tick’. If we can pick apart how our self-esteem has been constructed, how it affects our lives and the lives of others, and by what it is influenced, then we can learn to control it, and to stay calm and content no matter what life throws at us.

    ‘Tell me how a person judges his or her self-esteem and I will tell you how that person operates at work, in love, in sex, in parenting, in every important aspect of existence—and how high he or she is likely to rise. The reputation you have with yourself—your self-esteem—is the single most important factor for a fulfilling life.’

    —Nathanial Branden

    Staying calm and content is about self-esteem.

    Emotions come from within us. We could all watch the same event, such as a wedding, and feel different about it—positive or negative—depending on our perspective. Emotions are created internally and not by external events or circumstances, which are neutral. As Shakespeare observed, ‘There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so’ (Hamlet II, ii).

    In other words, there are no positive or negative events unless they mean something to us and we choose to let them positively or negatively affect our self-worth, self-respect, or self-confidence.

    Positive self-esteem

    When we feel ‘at our best’ is when our self-esteem is good. When we are feeling good about ourselves we usually feel confident in our ability to cope with life, even under challenging circumstances, and we don’t feel too sorry for ourselves. We accept and like ourselves, so we don’t usually abuse our bodies with destructive habits or choices, such as drinking or eating too much, because we don’t need to make ourselves feel better. We also generally accept other people and are considerate and kind because we don’t need to judge, criticise, or take control of others to make ourselves feel better. We are more likely to forgive others if they make mistakes and to forgive ourselves too, because we are less likely to criticise ourselves for not being good enough.

    Therefore, self-esteem is about accepting ourselves as good enough—but not perfect because no one is perfect. It is not about feeling self-important and better than other people but about having the opinion that ‘I’m no better than anyone else, but no one is better than I am either’. This, in my opinion, is the ‘secret to happiness’ for which so many people in books, films, and real life search. The secret isn’t ‘out there’; it is within ourselves, and we all have the ability to find it.

    ‘It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.’

    —Agnes Repplier

    Another way of thinking about self-esteem is that it is the voice in our heads that asks questions like ‘Do I feel okay right now?’ ‘Am I able to cope with this?’ ‘Will I feel okay as a person if I do or don’t do this?’

    No matter how confident, accomplished or successful we might appear on the outside, we all question ourselves. Some of the most outwardly successful and confident people can actually be highly self-critical and lacking in confidence in certain situations; they may have just learnt to hide these feelings from others in order to appear competent. Many important and famous people experience feelings of low self-esteem in certain areas of their lives, even though it might appear that they ‘have everything’. Their self-worth and self-confidence might often depend on being successful and acceptable in the eyes of others; they might not always value or like themselves very much. Many people might try to control or escape from critical or negative feelings through addiction to drugs or alcohol, by controlling or criticising other people in their lives, or via self-abuse or obsessive control of eating or other habits.

    ‘You have so

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