It's April Fool's Day so expect tons of fake articles all over the internet.  ThinkGeek has made it a yearly tradition to post fake products.  Some of them are such good ideas that they eventually become real items.  I feel like they've taken the joke and turned it into a strange product testing.  They take some slightly humorous ideas and make a few mockups.  If the internet reacts then they can try to actually create the product.


I mean who doesn't want a giant Nerf rocket that launches Nerf darts? 



Or BMO?  Everybody wants BMO.

Just make that shit already Think Geek, you know everyone is going to want it.

A trip to the local Target made it very clear that Easter is coming.  The seasonal shelves are full of candies and chocolates shaped like bunnies, chicks, and eggs.  In a day and age where the true origin and meaning of the holiday is usually lost in a sea of consumerism I think it’s important that we take just a moment to talk about Easter.  Thankfully I found a basket at Target that helped remind me.  It was before Peter Cottontale, Jesus returning from the dead,  and ancient pagan rituals.  You see this Easter basket reminds us that a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away Han shot first.
 

This is my yearly reminder to tell you about the official holiday of That F’ing Monkey, All Swine’s Day!  This will be the fourth year I’ve been celebrating All Swine’s so I’m pretty excited to see there are people already excited for it.  So when is it?  What is it?  All Swine’s Day is the first Sunday of the New Year; so this year it is on January 5^th.  It’s a celebration of friends who are close enough to be family and a send off of holiday gluttony. 


The holiday originated with me realizing that as I get older, family and work obligations make it harder to spend time with friends during the holidays.  I picked a day that was close to the holidays, but should be far enough removed that most people no longer have those other commitments.  Since so many people talk about dieting after the holidays I figured this would be one last indulgence before everyone starts trying to work off those holiday pounds.  Because it is a bit of a pig-out, the day picked up a porky name and menu.


I’ve served the same thing each year.  I make bacon taco shells in the oven and then have things like eggs, potatoes, ham, and sausage to fill the shells with.  Obviously if you choose to celebrate this wonderful day you can pick your own menu.  After everyone’s eaten we usually break out the Cards Against Humanity, but the important thing is you’re getting to spend time with people you may have been too busy to see.

All Swine’s Day has become one of my favorite days of the year, hopefully it will become one of yours too.

I talked up the F’ing Monkey’s holiday, All Swines’s Day before it actually happened but I still wanted to give one more mention now that everyone’s arteries have started moving again.


A quick recap, All Swine’s Day takes place on the first Sunday of the New Year. The above picture was one of the shots I took before I really started cooking. When making the bacon weaves I cut off about two inches from the bacon. This bacon tips are stockpiled in a bowl and used when cooking the other pork and in the potatoes.


I didn’t take a picture of the scrambled eggs or all of the burrito fixings (cheese, sour creme, etc). The closest pan is potatoes and bacon. The other pan is a mixture of diced ham, bacon, and sausage. The recommend way for eating the All Swine’ Day breakfast burrito is starting with a flour tortilla, then the bacon weave, then adding everything else.

It’s Hangover Thursday, how’s your head? It’s been a few days since New Year ’s Eve so hopefully everyone has fully recovered by now. Today I want to talk about what is quickly becoming my favorite holiday, All Swine’s Day. All Swine’s Day was created three years ago on this very site. So what is it? When is it? What do you do to celebrate it?


All Swine’s Day takes place on the first Sunday of the New Year, so this year we’ll be celebrating on the 6th. The day is important, because it is after all the other holiday shenanigans. As I got older, I found myself obligated to more and more family functions during the holidays. It was great to see that much of my family, but I was missing out on celebrating with my friends. That’s why All Swines is so important to me. I know I’m going to get to spend the day with those friends that are so close that I think of them as family.

I think the Swine came about because I was thinking that the day could be one last pig out before everyone returned to their post-holiday diets, etc. That somehow led to me making bacon taco shells for breakfast tacos. In addition to the taco shells we cook up scrambled eggs, breakfast potatoes, and a mixture of ham, sausage, and bacon. Everyone eats too much, we drink a bit, and we play offensive card games. I honestly can’t think of many better ways to spend the day.

Really I encourage everyone to celebrate it. You don’t need fancy bacon weaves, just surround yourself with some of your favorite people and enjoy yourself. And if you can make something awesome out of bacon, it just makes the day better.

I’m not really a fan of a traditional Christmas music. That being said I still managed to collect a pretty large number of Christmas songs. Most of them are a little stranger than the normal Bing Crosby tunes. The newest song I’m adding to my holiday collection is the Dropkick Murphys latest release, “The Season’s Upon Us.”



Now here is where I’m doing you, the loyal That F’ing Monkey reader a favor. If you just heard this song and your reaction was, “I must have this in my collection!” it is available on iTunes and such for a little more than a dollar. DON’T DO THAT. You see, “The Season’s Upon Us” is going to be on the Dropkick’s album Signed and Sealed in Blood. It comes out on January 7th, but if you preorder directly at www.dropkickmurphys.com you get a download of “The Season’s Upon Us” right now.

I don’t buy my friends Christmas gifts anymore. When written like that I know it sounds pretty cold. Instead of gift buying I host an All Swine’s Day party. For those readers new to the site; the first Sunday of January I invite my friends over for bacon-shell breakfast tacos and Ever-beer. I love it because the holidays get crazier every year and a lot of times I don’t get to see my friends during them. Another thing we’ve started doing during All Swine’s Day is playing Cards Against Humanity.


I’ve been championing the Cards Against Humanity game since their first set went on sale. It’s a simple game. One player lays down a black card. That card has a question on it. The rest of the players then play a white card that has an answer on it. The player with the funniest answer is the winner of the round. It’s a simple enough game concept. Now imagine that every one of those cards is offensive, perverse, or demented. Yeah, it’s a lot of fun.

It’s Hangover Thursday, how’s your head? I found my Southern Tier Mocha last night. It wasn’t on draft, but even still it was a fantastic beer. I’m also starting to get settled in to my new bar, they have an army of bartenders so it is taking a bit to get to know everyone. But they are happy to put hockey on one of the televisions for me, so it is all working out pretty well so far.


Nike is making headlines right now because of two shoes they are releasing for St. Patrick ’s Day. The high top is based on a pint of Guinness and the other shoe is based on a Black and Tan. The name is no big deal here, but that isn’t a friendly term in Ireland. The Black and Tan’s were a British paramilitary group known for their brutality in Ireland. Obviously the name isn’t going well over there. Nike should probably stop production of their unannounced Carbomb sneaker, that term isn’t liked very much either.


What is more surprising to me is that the Guinness themed sneaker is getting ignored. Nike is pretty much using the name of the beer to advertise their shoe, without actually being a licensed product. Guinness is very, very good at merchandising. They could sell a shoe with their harp and the Arthur Guinness signature; I have no doubt about that. Imagine what would happen if Nike made a shoe that was decorated red, blue, and had webbing on it. Then they advertise the shoe as the Spiderman…


Finally, Saturday is St. Patrick’s. Let me leave you with these things to remember. The bars are going to be full of people who only get drunk three times a year (St. Pat’s, Cinco De Mayo, New Years Eve), these people are only going out to get as bombed as possible. Please be careful. Don’t drink green beer. You’re better than that. Drink a good Irish beer if you want to drink something festive. And finally, drive safe everyone. There will be tons of drunks on the road, don’t be one of them.

CRUDBUMP and Married to the Sea have teamed up to bring you a very special Christmas song.  It is not for sensitive ears, but I thought it was a lot of fun.


With that said, or sung rather, the F'ing Monkey staff is taking tomorrow off to enjoy the holiday with our families.  Brandon will probably be taking Monday off, so check back on Tuesday!  Merry Christmas everyone!

It’s Hangover Thursday, how’s your head? The Christmas season is in full swing so I wanted to talk about a Christmas drink that you might not know about. The Tom and Jerry has been around since 1821, so it is not named after the cartoon cat and mouse. It was created by a writer named Pierce Egan who was trying to promote his book Life in Londo: or The Day and Night Scenes of Jerry Hawthorn Esq. and his Elegant Friend Corinthian Tom and the play Tom and Jerry, or Life in London.


I want to emphasize that for just one moment, to promote his book and play he came up with a brand new drink. It actually became a really popular Christmas drink; obviously it lasted longer than Egan’s fame. It probably helped that he modified the existing Egg Nog recipe that was already popular. So what exactly is in it? Check out the full recipe below.


1 Teaspoon Sugar
Nutmeg
1 whole egg yolk
1 whole egg white
1 ounce dark rum
Dash Brandy
Boiling Water

Beat sugar into the yolk.
Then add rum and egg white.
Transfer to coffee mug.
Fill with boiling water.
Add brandy and grated nutmeg

It’s Hangover Thursday, how’s your head? I had some Winter Lager last night while doing some Christmas shopping but not enough to cause any serious damage. We are in the big holiday rush right now. New Years is just around the corner too. After that is the official holiday of That F’ing Monkey, All Swine's Day.


We invented All Swine's Day last year and I have to say it went fantastically. So today I’m talking about it so that everyone can enjoy the day. It is celebrated on the first Sunday of January. This year it happens to fall on New Year’s Day, but that really was just poor planning on my part. It’s a chance to relax with some friends; one last big meal before worrying about diets and exercise.


The perfect All Swine's Day gathering starts around 2 pm. No need to get up early. While your menu can vary, we went with a breakfast theme. Bacon weaved taco shells, bacon and pan fried potatoes, diced ham and sausage, scrambled eggs, cheese, and sour cream. This year I’ll also be making the F’ing Monkey drink of choice, Everbeer. I’ve already been told a few more people will be celebrating All Swine's outside of the people who are coming to my gathering. If you plan on celebrating, please send us pictures!

With Thanksgiving behind us the avalanche of Christmas themed items is upon us. The radio stations are playing the songs, the televisions channels are dusting off those Christmas specials, and ever geek related website is getting a list of potential gifts for you to give to your non-comic reading fans. Every year I see the lists of trade paperbacks and other comic paraphernalia; all I can do is shake my head. If I know a friend or family member doesn’t like comics, I have the perfect gift for them….SOMETHING OTHER THEN COMICS. A nice bottle of booze, a video game, a movie they like, etc…


I realize that the comic book community is shrinking; it does need new readers to survive. You can absolutely be an ambassador to your hobby and promote it all you want. Are you really helping things along by handing out comics as presents to your non-comic reading buddies? Can you imagine if people who were interested in other hobbies did that? I have a friend that likes to golf; I can happily say I’ve never gotten a golf related gift.


So this year save that copy of Watchmen for later and go get your friends something they really want.

I just wanted to say Thank You to everyone that reads That F’ing Monkey. Especially those who pass the site on to others via their own websites, Facebook, etc… Brandon and I are honestly grateful that the oddness we put out on a daily basis is interesting enough for you to spend your internet time here.

And just because it’s a Thursday and it would feel wrong not to talk about booze…



If anyone does gravy shots tonight, please send in pictures! 2 parts gravy + 1 part booze.  Apparently Vodka is usually the booze of choice.

Happy Halloween all! Us here at That F'ing Monkey love us some dress up, so it is no surprise that we love Halloween. This year I have been a bit too busy to get my normal hard core costume together so I just threw on my old Ravenclaw Quidditch robes for the Saturday festivities and called it a night.

Halloween weekend is in full swing. For the past couple Saturdays I’ve been posting Turner Classic Movie’s horror schedule. The only difference in today’s post is that I’m listing three days worth of movies. That’s right. Starting tonight there are some fantastic movies about to show. I’m including Forbidden Planet on this list, not because it fits, but because it is too fun not to watch. Tonight is all about director Val Lewton. Not only are they showing a documentary about him, but they are showing 7 of his movies.

Happy Flash Friday! Since Halloween is quickly going to be upon us, I figured we’d take some time out and look at Flash related costumes. Now I’m not talking about high quality suits that people spend all year getting ready so they can wow people at conventions. I’m talking about the “hey I’m going to grab something off the shelf and wear it” Halloween costumes. Also I’m not talking about masks, because I’ve already done that HERE.


The adult Flash costume is clearly based on the Wally West costume used in the Justice League cartoon. In fact most of the listings I’ve found for the costume list it as a Justice League Flash. This costume also comes with the sculpted chest muscles. Besides the fact that it looks more like pillow padding then muscle, the sculpted muscle costumes always creep me out. Something just feels wrong about them.


And now a dramatic recreation of the design process for 80% of every woman’s Halloween costume:


In all honesty the woman’s Flash costume isn’t really slutty. It is a little strange though since there is no basis for the design. I mean it obviously isn’t based on the Lady Flash costume or any of the million costumes Jesse Quick has worn. At least it isn’t a bad looking costume I suppose.


Enough with the adults, here we have two different versions of the kid’s costumes. Aren’t they cute? When dressing your kid as the Flash they have the choice of creepy muscled chest or normal looking chest. Again both of the Flash symbols are based on the Justice League cartoon’s design. I wonder when we’ll see that switch. And when it does change will it go to the classic or the new logo with the yellow circle around it?


Last but not least we have an actual Kid Flash costume. They wasted no time getting Young Justice merchandise out apparently. This is obviously based on the new cartoon. The suit looks damn good actually. I’m not sure how much coverage the mask has. It could end at the ears or it could be a whole head mask. None of the descriptions of the costume actually give that detail and every website uses the same stock photo as the one I used so that is no help.

That’s it for this Flash Friday and Happy Halloween everyone.

Today is October 25th. We are just days away from Halloween. I’m thrilled by the amount of monsters and scariness that are on store shelves and on the television. All of the bats and black cats make me happy. And then glade went and did it. I’m happily watching television two nights ago and a commercial comes on for Glade’s new Christmas scents. Fuck you Glade. Fuck you right in the ear.