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Showing posts with label K-Fed. Show all posts
Showing posts with label K-Fed. Show all posts

No Such Thing as Bad Publicity

What lesson has been learned from Michael “Kramer” Richard’s pro-lynching rant? That tossing around racial slurs in a comedy club is a surefire way for a faded TV comedian to generate some publicity. Andy Dick, formerly of NewsRadio, dropped the n-word during another comedian’s routine on Saturday.

The appropriately-named Dick was heckling the comedian when he grabbed the mic and yelled “You’re all a bunch of n-----s!” Nobody laughed, or caught it on tape for that matter. But to make sure that everyone knew he felt bad, he issued a predictable apology. "I chose to make a joke about a subject that is not funny," read his statement. "In an attempt to make light of a serious subject, I have offended a lot of people, and I am sorry for my insensitivity.”

What he should be sorry for is his shallow attempt to cash in on the Richards controversy. Look, I’m outrageous too! It makes me look back fondly on the practice of washed-up stars making sex tapes – but don’t get any ideas, Andy.

Though not in the same category, the former Mr. Britney Spears, is continuing to garner media attention by turning his impending divorce and potentially divisive custody battle into a reality show. When Kevin Federline loses his wife, home, kids, he turns on the cameras so everyone can watch him implode. As long as people are talking, right Kev?

While Federline is attempting to wring the last drips of publicity out of his extended 15 minutes of fame, another celebrity couple has pulled the plug on their tabloid-friendly relationship. With the DVD release of The Break-Up well behind them, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn parted company in the traditional fashion – a statement to People. The two got together on the set of The Break-Up, which garnered acres of press and likely helped propel the box office over the $100 million mark.

I can’t prove that Vaughniston was solely a studio/agent creation meant to drum up ticket sales for a middling film, but consider these are two people who are paid exceedingly well to act like they are in a relationship. How hard would it be to extend that to a few well-chosen public events if it meant more exposure for the film and more money on the backend for the aforementioned actors? I wouldn’t put it past Aniston, who has often used her breasts to garner attention for her career – either on magazine covers or sunning topless for the paparazzi. So what’s a couple of public smooches if it means a few million dollars?

R.I.P Britney Spears

So Britney (or perhaps her manager and mother) finally came to her senses and cut off K-Fed, her wannabe rapper hubby. Congrats! You’ll soon be a 24-year-old single mother of two – just what every little girl dreams of. Her formerly glamorous career, now thoroughly slathered in tabloid mud, has been on a steady decline ever since Federline emerged from under his rock and wormed his way into the pop princess’ life.

Of course it's all too late anyway – he’s already sucked all the magic (and possibly money) out of her. She’s now an empty shell, an abandoned trailer up on blocks and K-Fed has run off with all the smokes and Cheetos. Before becoming Mr. Spears he was an unknown backup dancer, now two years later he has an album out which, no matter its artistic merit or lack thereof, is one more album than you and I have.

As for Britney she has had a meteoric career arc, from child star, to chart-topping pop ingénue to Beverly hillbilly, all in a short dozen years. That’s hardly what you would refer to as longevity. Sure, she’ll make a run at the charts again and the media will herald her comeback, but we will have moved on. She just can’t capture our attention in the same fashion anymore.

If her star hadn’t been tarnished enough, it looks like Fed-Ex isn’t going to go down without a fight and is seeking custody of his spawn and spousal support. Look for it to get ugly – what’s he got to lose? And if that wasn’t enough it looks like the last refuge of a dwindling celebrity career – the ubiquitous sex tape. Rumours of the tryst have floated about for years and now there is rampant speculation that Kevin may have leaked it as a bit of mean-spirited revenge. Again, it won’t hurt him any.

So long Britney – I know you won’t go away, but to me you’re already dead.

America's Most Hated

• Everyone’s a critic. First Brokeback Mountain isn’t good enough for the Oscars, now it’s the Massachusetts Department of Correction. A prison official has been disciplined for showing the multiple-award winning gay cowboy film to the state’s largest prison after it was determined the movie contained content inappropriate for a prison setting. "It was not the subject matter. It was the graphic nature of sexually explicit scenes," said spokeswoman David Wiffin. Umm, sure. Next week they will be airing season one of The Sopranos and than catching the inmates up with Prison Break.

• Kevin Federline is managing to piss off more people, which is quite a feat as most people are already annoyed with him. In his ill-fated attempt to rap his way out of being known as Mr. Britney Spears, K-Fed is continuing to record and release singles on his MySpace site. On "America's Most Hated” he sampled Mobb Deep's "Got It Twisted," who had sampled Thomas Dolby’s “She Blinded Me With Science.” Deep got a license, K-Fed didn’t and Dolby was not amused and forced him to take it down. "You can't just take a very well-known piece of music and add your own vitriolic rap over the top of it and get away with it," said Dolby "It's like what Vanilla Ice did with 'Ice, Ice Baby,' although I think Vanilla Ice is a superstar compared to this guy."

Don’t Believe Your Hype

It looks like I'm playing this, doesn't it?!There’s nothing more entertaining than a delusional celebrity, especially when there is little basis for that fame to begin with.

This brings us to Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline. Against all probability, both of these b-listers are recording albums. Hilton, famous for being rich and appearing on reality shows and home-made sex tapes, is going the dance route, a la Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Kevin, famous for knocking up the aforementioned Spears, fancies himself an aspiring rapper.

As the two are mostly renowned for appearing in paparazzi photos they seem keenly aware that nobody is actually clamouring for their musical genius. See if you can tell which quote is from whom:
"People will trash it just because it's me, but once they listen, they'll be shocked. I know this is good."

"Sure, there'll be initial shock and awe, but they've already said so much shit about me, it can't get worse."
It amazes me that they can both be so self-aware and completely oblivious at the same time. For the record, the first quote was from Paris, the latter from Mr. Spears.

To add to the snickering joy, Federline has the narcissistic belief that the millions of hits he got on his web site when he streamed his first single, PopoZão, had something to do with his abilities and not because bored office workers were forwarding it to each other for a laugh – like we were at work.

Anyway, I can’t wait to fish my copies out of the remainder bin, where they will be keeping William Hung company.

Double Duty
For those that are interested, I'm doing a stint of guest blog editing over at Scandal Sheet for my friend webgrrl. I'll try and keep the double posts to a minimum.
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