Get all 8 small void releases available on Bandcamp and save 10%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of i go red, wither. bloom., farewell, rosalie, i can barely get to my front door without passing through another ghost, simmer, fruit rots., cries, and flowing.
1. |
bitter hollow
04:18
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cast the first stone
ripple in the water
the seeds we've sown
have grown to wither
bitter hollow
shadow slander
a sigh can last forever
horizon in the distance
just when you think it's over
it's back again in the next instant
bitter hollow
shadow slander
what if we can transform?
i've seen our bodies
somehow weather storms
we never saw coming
it's me against my greatest nexus
how'd you get control of my solar plexus?
you built it up just to wreck it
insidiously undetected
you don't care about a complex truth
as long as you've got something ugly to prove
i know you grin just to bare your teeth
you let me in just to fuck with me
but you don't know what i can see
bitter hollow
shadow slander
poison spread like honey in my lungs
i remember
i remember
i remember
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2. |
gods
04:46
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casting dark spells
pieces don't set so well
after complete rupture
has anyone ever been the god of you?
shadows lurking
looming ominous
in the knowing
i hope for solace
has anyone ever been the god of you?
serious claims
bore spurious aims
eternal
eternal
eternally changed
has anyone ever been the god of you?
you chew on my name
did you know that name
has a body that follows it around?
a body that will never be the same
this body with a name that means nothing
a body with a name means nothing anymore
this body with a name that follows it around
has anyone ever been the god of you?
the thing in my thoughts is not my body
the thing in my chest is not my body
the thing on my tongue is not my body
the thing in my guts is not my body
the thing in my hands is not my body
the thing in my body is not my body
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3. |
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have you ever been stolen?
has anyone ever been, inexplicably
the god of you?
have you ever been convinced
that you should be alone to spare the whole world
from the harm of experiencing you
and told that the resulting isolation was proof
that no one wanted you?
that you simply deserve to be unloved
because you have no intrinsic good in you?
well, they're fucking wrong
at the beginning i never would have understood
you never could have loved me like you said you would
i went in open-hearted and left nearly departed
you asked if i died of an overdose
what it would make people think
about YOU
for having been so close to me
would they think you had something to do
with my tragic decline???
you were worried about the optics
of your reputation
in the event of my hypothetical death
i have your long-awaited answer
don't worry
you didn't give up on me...
you kept at it for years!
you tended shaped and molded me
dare i disobey and you scolded me
i'm so sorry for sabotaging your efforts
of making me all better and worthy of love
another question-
you asked me
'do you think i'll have to spot our friend? just because i'm staying two blocks away?'
you explained
'i'm trying to live a chill life. i don't want to be traumatized. do you think i'll have to check on them just because i'm staying so close?'
you went on to say
'i've never even put anything up my nose'
ha ha! aren't you so much fucking better than all of us?
devalue
discard
drugs could never compare to the damage you could do
you were so fucking worried i'd get strung out
but the thing that ruined me was you
i survived every night i wanted to die
despite you
and i'm still thinking of you
i think of you every time i talk about you
on the suicide hotline
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4. |
in the morning every day
07:13
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i've been trying to find a socially acceptable way to tell you
you make me wanna die and i don't even know you
i know i hurt your friends, that's why we're no longer friends
did you think that i don't think about it, did you there was an end
to me tryna figure out where the fuck i went wrong
did you think you could treat me like that and not end up in a song
about how i think about it every day
cos i think about it every day
i know i need professional help, i'm not doing well on my own
no matter how hard i try to learn new skills alone
for three years i did research and took notes and made lists
of what i thought i would cover if i had a therapist
well that shit went nowhere, i was stuck and freaking out
till i got a real therapist and we talked about
what i think of every single day
cos i think about it every day
i hate that i couldn't be the friend that they needed
they tried to be patient till they were totally defeated
i thought it was largely my fault for being too afraid
to truly let them in and look at the mess i made
cos we all grew with wounds that we don't know how to heal
i know it's too little too late, but know that it's real
i was ensnared in the web of an elaborate smear campaign
ten years in the making when one pounced on the shame
and used it as a weapon, but called it a great gift
he told me i was useless and salvation was him
somehow i lost my way and learned that i was no good
i trusted when he said i couldn't see what my problem was
every time he found a new way to put me down
nodding passionately was the safest way out
till everyone around me thought it all must be true
that i deserved the drowning that i was going through
eventually i asked him to look at what i saw
and as soon as he agreed that something was wrong
the next thing that happened? he quickly cut me off
and now i think about it every day
i think about him every day
and it makes me want to die
he made me want to die
i know you won't believe what i learned about my pain
and i worry you'll get sick pleasure from it anyway
i have nightmares of you that feel so real
of being humiliated and shoved under a train's wheels
i wake up wanting to die
and i've been wanting to die
for the past three years when before that
i didn't wanna die but now i think about it every day
i wish i could just talk to them and try to figure out
if there's anywhere we could go from here
but i highly doubt
there's any way it would be safe for me
and that's all right i have these memories
of when we loved each other
i'll remember that forever
i think about them every single day
i think about it every day
now that i have true friends i don't know how to explain
nothing i've ever felt before has come close to the same
they're brilliant and kind to me, but i'm stuck inside my head
with distorted hyper vigilance when i should trust them instead
cos it wasn't all my fault, the way things fell apart
but i couldn't see his abuse till those kids ripped out my heart
i think about it every single day
i think about it every day
i couldn't talk about it cos i didn't know how to feel
the ugly things and small ways that they made me feel
but it's all making sense now, i know what's true
i finally figured out what's me and what's you
one in particular was the charmer of them all
following his lead they saw in me what he saw
and for a long time, i believed it too
while biting my tongue till my tongue was blue
it took five years to finally lift the shroud
and begin to clearly see what was following me around
it took so long to start to stop wanting to die
and the interim was suffering, it was so hard to survive
and the thing that made it worth it is what got me stuck at first
i think friendship is holy barring narcissism's curse
i think about it every single day
i think about it every day
i suspect that there's still people
who he tripped into a free fall
who would say i'm full of shit
that i'm simply delusional
but that's more proof for me
that his abuse was complete
he picked apart my friendships
and destroyed my credibility
i think about it every single day
i think about it every day
i've been trying to find a socially acceptable way to tell you
you make me wanna die and i don't even know you
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small void Kansas City, Missouri
mostly
dirty lace country//
crag folk
sometimes
something else
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