Pokémon by Review

Official art of Grimer by Ken Sugimori. Look at the poor thing; it's extending its arms because it wants a hug!

Is it possible to love a pile of sludge?

Oh, heck yes. Yes, it is.

Everything about Grimer and Muk's flavor is just fucking gross, but I have to admit that their designs are pretty original. Many Pokémon are based off of real-life animals, and their flavor often matches their real-life counterpart as well. Grimer and Muk, however, are a bit more unrealistic. They're imaginative, capable in battles and absolutely disgusting, and that's exactly why I like them. What I like most, though, is the fact that they might be based on the fear that the improper disposal of toxic and/or nuclear waste may result in the creation of new life forms. And let's be real here: pollution is a serious issue in real life. Apparently, pollution is also a problem in the Pokémon world, because Grimer was born when sludge from a dirty stream was exposed to X-rays from the moon. It thrives on polluted wastewater that is pumped out of the same factories that polluted the waters it was born from, and that caused it to be a pungent cesspool of bacteria that are so potent that it renders the soil it moves on incapable of ever supporting plant life again. It is constantly oozing a germ-infected fluid from its body; when a piece of it breaks off, new Grimer will emerge from them, and when two Grimer merge, new poisons are created.

While Grimer looks kinda cute, to some extent, Muk is probably a thing you'll want to stay away from.

And Grimer's evolution is even worse. Muk doesn't even have to steamroll over plants to instantly kill them: being in the close vicinity of plants is enough for Muk to make them wilt and die. Within seconds. Even briefly touching it can make you incredibly ill, and one tiny drop from its body can turn a lake stagnant and rancid. Like Grimer, Muk can be found in sewers and heavily polluted bodies of water, and therefore it is often believed to be the personification of water pollution, while Koffing and Weezing are based on air pollution and Trubbish and Garbodor are based on land pollution. Game Freak gave these real-life problems a nice touch by actually turning them into 'living' things to fight with.

Muk's official art.

And Muk isn't even bad at that, to be honest. It is not the world's greatest battler, but its massive HP, excellent attack stat and good special defense makes it a good offensive and moderately bulky Pokémon. Except when there are Move Tutors to fall back on mid-game, Muk is not a particularly good in-game Pokémon to use (its level-up movepool, barring Gunk Shot, is absolutely terrible, as it mainly learns special attacks while it's a physical attacker), but it makes for a decent competitive NU Pokémon. It is inferior to Garbodor when it comes to setting up entry hazards, but it has a more diverse direct-damage movepool: Poison Jab works great in conjunction with its hidden ability Poison Touch (which has a chance to poison an opponent when it hits Muk or when Muk hits it with a direct attack), the elemental punches provide great type coverage, Shadow Sneak is an interesting move that gives it some priority but isn't very strong, and Brick Break and Rock Slide aren't bad choices to consider giving Muk either. Let it hold an Assault Vest (which raises its already potent special defense by 50%, but requires it to use only attacking moves) or a Choice Band (which raises its already high attack stat by 50%, but requires it to choose only one move until it switches out) and you'll have a bulky Pokémon that also packs a punch. No pun intended. And as it isn't very fast to begin with, an attack-beneficial nature like Brave or Adamant is the right nature to go with.

Muk is actually just a weird, shapeless blob. This interpretation of Muk looks like it comes straight out of an R.L. Stine novel.

Other than maybe Trubbish and Garbodor, I don't think you'll come across more repulsive Pokémon than Grimer and Muk. I absolutely loved it when I used it in a Black 2 playthrough, and its effectiveness made me get an affection for this thing that has never gone away. I think it's deserving of the 4-star rating I'm giving it, no matter how much it is hated on by many others.

Rating: 4/5

Pretty nice fan art of Seel.

Talk about uninspiring Pokémon.

Okay, Seel and Dewgong are obviously based on pinnipeds, or seals, as these animals are more commonly called. More specifically, the Pokédex suggests they are based on sea lions. Otariinae (sea lions) are a subfamily of otariidae (eared seals, under which sea lions and fur seals can be categorized), which is one of three groups categorized under pinnipedia, all pinnipeds in general, even walruses. Not only is Seel's name pretty unimaginative, its flavor is pretty much based on what real seals do as well, if you ignore the fact that sea lions don't actually live on icebergs in frigid ocean waters as cold as -40°F and don't thrive in these cold environments at all; that's the thing of other seal species. They don't have the warm fur and thick hide that Seel has, either. Come to think of it, I think we have another case of 'erroneous Pokédex classification', but let's not get further into that. Game Freak are close enough this time, and there are plenty of other things to talk about.

Dewgong in all its glory.

Like how Dewgong is largely based on the aquatic mammals dugongs (from the dugongidae family) and manatees (from the trichechidae family), also known as sea cows (the order sirenia), rather than seals. Or sea lions, for that matter. Dewgong shares much of its flavor with its pre-evolution, like its ability to resist even extreme cold by storing thermal energy in its body (but don't all ice-type Pokémon have a resistance to cold?), its capability to swim fast and agilely through the water (no shit, it's a water type), and its tendency to hunt for food at night rather than during the day. It even gets more active when the weather is cold, like Seel, and specifically searches for cold places to rest, like Seel. The only thing that can't be found on seals and sea cows is its horn, with which it's able to break through thick layers of ice. It's such a shame Dewgong's characteristics aren't a little bit more interesting, because I actually quite like its design.

More fan art of Dewgong, because its official art isn't near as interesting.

Dewgong serves little purpose in battles, either. It's a very mediocre in-game Pokémon, with base attack and special attack stats of only 70. It's more defensive than it is offensive, with 90 base HP, 80 base defense and 95 base special defense. This could be useful in the competitive tier (NU; never used) it resides in. It is recommended to use a Dewgong with a Calm nature, the item Leftovers for it to hold, and the Thick Fat ability. This ability reduces damage from fire- and ice-type moves, from which Dewgong takes neutral damage or to which it is resistant anyway. Hydration makes it cure status conditions in the rain, but this only works in a rain team, while Ice Body allows it to restore some health when it's hailing, which is disadvantageous to the other (non-ice-type) Pokémon in your team, as hail damages them. Now, as for the moves Dewgong should learn... It is a specially defensive support Pokémon, no doubt, which it why it should have Toxic, to poison the foe, and Protect, to Toxic stall the foe and gain some recovery from its own Leftovers. Surf or Ice Beam is an offensive move to keep Dewgong from being Taunt bait, while Perish Song (which makes the user as well as the target faint within three turns) can be used on Pokémon on which Toxic has no effect, such as Pokémon with the Magic Guard ability or steel types.

If it weren't for Dewgong's uninteresting flavor and mediocre battling capabilities, I would have given it a better rating, probably even close to five stars. Now, however, I have no choice but to pull back a little and give Dewgong a rating of 3.5 stars. And that's still generous of me.

Rating: 3.5/5

Doduo can run extremely fast, but there is no way it's faster than Dodrio...

So, here we have 'em: Doduo and Dodrio, the first Pokémon that are completely based off of an extinct animal.

Well, the Bulbasaur line could very well be based off of a dinosaur, but the suffix -saur is probably derived from the same Latin word, meaning 'lizard'. I think that's plausible.

Anyway, while dodos didn't really have two heads, let alone three, Game Freak are known for bending the rules a little. Besides, this is Pokémon, so it doesn't hurt making an extinct bird a little bit more interesting. Right? Well, the FireRed Pokédex says that Doduo was discovered as a sudden mutation, so that explains something. Having two heads is useful anyway, because while one head is always awake and alert and keeping an eye out for enemies, the other head sleeps for two. It is theorized that this is possible because the heads have identical brains and communicate with each other through telepathy. Despite the fact that Doduo aren't particularly good fliers (they run on their strongly developed legs instead, being able to reach speeds up to 60 miles while leaving four-inch footprints wherever they go), they are capable of learning Steel Wing, Fly, Brave Bird and Sky Attack. One could argue that Doduo and Dodrio are still birds, which is why they can learn these moves in the first place, but that makes no sense, as they have no wings. Come to think of it, dodos had wings, even though they were tiny and couldn't be used to fly with. Therefore, Duduo and Dodrio have more in common with modern-day ostriches, and possibly moas (an extinct species of flightless birds endemic to New Zealand) and emus.

Proud Mom Dodrio watching its cute little baby Doduo hatch from the egg.

Dodrio, however, is where Game Freak show a little inconsistency. While Doduo's Pokédex entries mention that it can run up to 60 miles per hour, Dodrio's entries tell us that it can run up to 40 miles per hour. Yet Dodrio's base speed (100) is higher than Doduo's (75), which makes sense, as a Pokémon's base stats usually improve upon evolving. My guess is that mistakes were made when Dodrio's Pokédex entries were written and that Dodrio are actually capable of running 140 miles per hour. Yeah, let's go with that. One specific characteristic of Dodrio backs up my theory as well: Dodrio has three sets of heart and lungs, which allows it to oxygenate and pump blood through its body, giving it increased endurance to run vast distances without rest. I bet it can also run extremely fast because of that. One thing is certain, though: Dodrio is a whole lot different than Dodrio. Each head now has its own working brain and distinct personality, respresenting joy, anger and sorrow respectively, although I mainly see two pissed-off heads and one bored one (see Dodrio's official art below to compare). The brains collect data, formulate and then execute complex plans and strategies, but Dodrio may sometimes over-think and -analyze a situation, causing itself to be immobilized and unable to carry out any action whatsoever. If the heads squabble with each other, they won't stop until at least one of them gets to eat, which will also satisfy the other two heads. Like Doduo, Dodrio likes to keep one head awake to stand guard and look out for enemies while the other two heads are asleep. That is a whole set of characteristics worth mentioning, which gives this Pokémon a little dynamic, personality and originality.

Official art of Dodrio.

That is definitely not the case in the games, especially in the competitive scene. There are a lot of other normal/flying-type birds that are better than Dodrio, including Pidgeot (who has a Mega evolution), Swellow and Staraptor, but that doesn't mean Dodrio is useless. Its base speed compared with a Jolly nature, EV investment in speed and attack, and a Choice Band as hold item makes it hit its opponents fast and hard (although the Choice item limits it to using only one move until it switches out, after which the item will reset). When it comes to moves, Dodrio doesn't learn a whole lot of useful moves, but just enough to fill in a decent moveset: Brave Bird is a strong STAB move but deals recoil damage, Return hits for 102 base damage when Dodrio's friendship level is maxed out, and Quick Attack finishes off opposing Pokémon that don't have much health left. As for the last slot, Dodrio has access to a move that the likes of Swellow and Staraptor can only dream of (Pidgeot has been a special attacker ever since it has a Mega, so it doesn't benefit from it): Knock Off. This is a dark-type move that deals double the damage (its base power is 65) when knocking off the opposing Pokémon's item. It's a shame Dodrio doesn't have any abilities that help it. Run Away makes it run away from wild Pokémon, but it has no effect in battle and is practically useless anyway, as Dodrio is already fast as is. Tangled Feet raises its evasion when it is confused, but is way too situational; besides, it is advised to switch out confused Pokémon before they hurt themselves and whittle away at their own health. Early Bird, which causes Dodrio to wake up early when it is put to sleep, is the only good option.

This fan art of Dodrio shows the distinct personalities of the head - anger, joy and sorrow - better than its official art.

Dodrio is an interesting Pokémon with a fascinating set of characteristics and a funny design. Unfortunately, even though it is far from a bad attacker, it's not really a popular Pokémon to use. And although it's not useless, it isn't a particularly useful one, either: there are plenty of Pokémon that can do a better job at what Dodrio can do. On the other hand, with its three heads and a design based on an extinct flightless bird, Dodrio is probably the most original normal/flying type out there. Hey, I just like it a lot, and that's why I'm giving it a four-star rating.

Rating: 4/5

Official Ken Sugimori art of Farfetch'd.

Oh, man. THIS thing.

Okay, first things first: let's take a look at Farfetch'd's concept. It's a duck. That much is obvious, at least. It's a tasty duck at that, because Farfetch'd is a delicacy and makes for a delicous meal, especially when cooked with leek. Now, let it be the case that Farfetch'd is always carrying a leek stalk or a spring onion with it in its wings, sometimes fighting over the best sticks with other Farfetch'd. In fact, it is unable to live without one, as it serves as a weapon, nesting material and emergency food source. And its own garnish, apparently, because Farfetch'd is almost extinct due to it being hunted down for food in the first place. Survival of the fittest? Well, Darwin's evolution theory definitely does not apply to Farfetch'd. It does leave food for thought, though (pun intended). I mean, think about it: this means that the Pokémon world is pretty much like our world, in which we keep animals as a pet but also slaughter them in order to consume them. If we assume that there are no ordinary animals in the Pokémon world and the people there also eat other kinds of meat than just Farfetch'd, there is a big chance that Pokémon like Miltank and Tepig are also kept for slaughter. However, with the exception of the occasional wacko, nobody in our world keeps a cow or pig, usually animals kept as livestock, as a pet. Nor would anybody eat their dog, cat, hamster, goldfish or canary, while we're at it. Pokémon, on the other hand, are often regarded as people's friends, pets and even fighting tools. If you take that into account, I'd figure it is hard, and even somewhat callous, to eat a Pokémon you know you can have a strong bond with or you know can be useul in battle. Like I said: food for thought.

Farfetch'd repeatedly beating Psyduck on the head with its stick. And the poor thing already suffers from severe headaches.

Not that Farfetch'd (whose name may be inspired by a Japanese saying that can be translated as 'a duck comes bearing green onions', which means as much as 'something suprising but convenient') is much of a fighting tool, anyway. In fact, its stats are awful. Terrible. Horrendous. Disastrous. Dreadful. Horrible. Horrific. Abominable. You name it, goddammit. Its defenses are mediocre at best, but they won't help it, because its HP stat really doesn't back them up. Farfetch'd's speed is awful; it would have to take a hit from its opponent before it can make a move, which it isn't capable of in the slightest. Of its attacking stats, its physical attack stat is the best, although it still isn't all that. Farfetch'd has access to one nifty move that can raise it by two stages, though: Swords Dance. And if you manage to have the opponent lower one of Farfetch'd's stats, which I don't recommend at all, its hidden ability Defiant will raise its attack by two stages as well. Combine that with its signature item Stick, which increases its critical hit ratio, and physical moves that have a high chance to crit, such as Slash, Night Slash and Leaf Blade, and you might have a somewhat decent Farfetch'd. No success guaranteed. It's a shame Farfetch'd isn't a little bit stronger, because it also learns some nice STAB moves like Acrobatics, Brave Bird and Fly, along with Poison Jab, Steel Wing and U-Turn. That is some nice type coverage; too bad it can't make use of it well.

Farfetch'd is a terrible competitive battler. Heck, it's even disappointing when you use it in a regular playthrough. It does have an interesting flavor to it, though (in this case, pun most definitely intended), and its design and concept are funny enough, so I won't give it a bad rating because of the fact it is absolutely worthless in battle. Now, if you'll excuse me, I suddenly have an inexplicable hunger for Peking duck.

Rating: 3/5

Cute and intriguing fan art of Magnemite.

So here we have another evolution composed of three species of its pre-evolution.

Except I actually like Magneton, as opposed to Dugtrio.

Now, Magnemite and Magneton are some interesting Pokémon, to say the least. If you don't count Geodude and Graveler, these magnet Pokémon are the first Pokémon to be composed of inanimate objects. They're definitely the first Pokémon in the Pokédex to be based on man-made inanimate objects, contrary to Geodude and Graveler, who are based on objects (rocks) found in nature. Magnemite and Magneton do have emotions, know a way of reproducing and have the need to eat; its main form of nutrients is electrical currents. The magnets on the side of Magnemite's body create electromagnetic waves that allow it to levitate and when there is a strong magnetic force, three Magnemite could be drawn to each other to form Magneton. Magneton generate strange radio waves that are so strong that they cause a wide area to warm up by almost 4 degrees and can cause earaches when you come to close to them. They are drawn outside when sunspots flare up, presumably because of the changes in the sun's magnetic field. Because a group of Magneton can cause a magnetic storm and the waves they generate cause electrical and mechanic devices to break, large cities sound sirens to warn citizens of large-scale outbreaks of these Pokémon and urge Trainers to keep them inside their Poké Balls.

Poor things. It's just in their nature; they don't deserve to be treated like pariahs...

Pretty realistic fan art of Magneton.

The most interesting thing about Magnemite and Magneton is that they were the first Pokémon to have their typing changed. Prior to Gen. II, these Pokémon were pure electric types; the steel type was introduced one generation later, along with the dark type. Game Freak thought that would be a good reason to add this new typing to Magnemite and Magneton, because magnets and screws are steel objects, after all. Honestly, I can't blame them. They are right; and besides, steel is an awesome defensive typing, which is only one of the reasons why it's my favorite type. Pokémon with this typing are blessed with nine normal resistances, two quadruple resistances and one immunity. That certainly makes Magneton a much better fighter, but even though both Magnemite and Magneton have the ability to levitate, the actual game ability Levitate isn't available to them, which means they have a quadruple weakness to ground-type moves. There is a way to get around that pesky weakness, but I'll get to that later.

Official art of Magnezone by Ken Sugimori.

Anyway, you'd think that would be the end of it, but Magneton evolves even further. For some reason, Gen. IV introduced quite some evolutions of Pokémon from previous generations (including the horrendous Lickilicky and Probopass), and Magneton is one of the lucky bastards to get such an evolution. Although I don't think I should use the term 'lucky', because Magnezone actually looks really weird. It has better stats than Magneton in everything but speed, which is actually reduced upon evolving, but whereas Magneton literally consists of three Magnemite (unoriginal, but somehow more effective and interesting than Dugtrio), Magnezone is a flying saucer. Well, it definitely looks like one, anyway. It is actually based on magneforming, a high-speed forming process for electrically conductive metals, and I think it is to represent an electromagnetic field that can induce this (as indicated by its name - 'magnetic zone' - and its classification as the 'Magnet Area Pokémon' in the Pokédex). Don't ask me though, I've looked into this subject and I understand very little of it.

One thing I do know for sure: I don't like Magnezone one bit. You might think there is something that makes it stand out to Magneton, but Magnezone is only capable of inducing a greater magnetic force than its pre-evolution. Also, exposure to a special magnetic field changes Magneton's molecular structure, turning it into Magnezone. As a result, scientists made attempts to force evolution, in which they miserably failed. Besides, this whole change-of-molecular-structure thing... isn't that what all Pokémon that can evolve go through? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Let's face it: Magneton looks way better than Magnezone. Right? RIGHT???

Both Magneton and Magnezone have some serious batttling capabilities though, so let's see what they've got up their sleeves. Let's start with Magneton, who resides in the RU tier and excels in special attack and defense, so invest EVs in these stats and slap an Eviolite on it. Considering the fact that the Eviolite also raises Magneton's physical bulk by 50%, you could also pump up its mediocre special defense to create some special bulk as well. Its hidden ability Analytic gives its moves a 30% boost if the opponent makes a move first or switches out, so a Quiet nature (boosts special attack and reduces speed) is the nature to go with, especially if you consider that its speed is not all that, anyway. Magnezone, on the other hand, is an OU-tier Pokémon and is commonly used to trap other steel types in the tier with its ability Magnet Pull (which, for the record, its pre-evolutions can also have, along with Sturdy). This niche is often combined with a Modest nature and Choice Specs, which boosts Magnezone's special attack by 50% but locks is into one specific move. What those moves are, you ask? Volt Switch, Thunderbolt, Flash Cannon and Hidden Power are what both Magneton and Magnezone can get, because they don't have a lot of diversity. You might even want to consider Magnet Rise, which gets around Magnezone's pesky quadruple weakness to ground. It might be a good idea to give Magnezone an Air Balloon (which has the same effect as Levitate. but pops when Magnezone is hit by any move other than a ground-type move) to hold instead of Choice Specs, especially since it is slower than Magnezone and can't pull it off very quickly.

This is the first time I'm giving a second-stage evolution a completely different rating than its pre-evolution, simply because I like Magneton a whole lot more than its evolution Magnezone. I don't hate Magnezone, and it is undoubtedly a good competitive Pokémon, but it is just too weird for me to like, not to mention that this Pokémon was (and still is) actually quite unnecessary.

Rating Magneton: 5/5



Rating Magnezone: 2.5/5